The Barnness of 2 Slow, 2 Boringitude. Clark goes up to the loft. Pete's waiting. He's bloody about the face. And scared. And shaking. Pete says that Squinty thought Pete was the one who called the sheriff. So they kicked his ass. Apparently, Squinty has a deputy "in his pocket." It's a very tiny deputy. Clark says that's why he never gets busted. Clark tries to help Pete with his wounds, but Pete backs away and says he needs Clark to help get that $20,000. Clark doesn't know where to get it. "Go Kal on an ATM machine!" Pete says. ["Redundantly." -- Wing Chun] "You've done it before." Clark says that he was on red Kryptonite. "So go slip on a ring!" Pete demands. Clark says he can't do that. Pete says that they're going to kill his parents first, and then Pete. Clark says he'd never let that happen, but that he doesn't want to break the law. Pete says they've "gone Watergate" on so many people, it shouldn't matter. Yeah! Clark says they were trying to help others. Pete insists that now he's the one who needs help. Pete's crying. He says that if Clark beats Squinty up, the guy will just come after them later. Clark can't be on Secret Service detail all the time. So, death then? Death? You think? Yeah. Squinty'll probably die, huh? Pete says he has to put an end to this. Clark says there has to be another way. Pete cries that it's his family they're talking about: "If you don't give me that cash, we're dead." Clark thinks about pudding.

Commercials. Would I buy insurance from President Palmer? I'm thinking yes.

Lair of Lex. "Clark, you just caught me!" Lex announced. With Renaldo! Lex was on his way to a meeting. Lex asks if Clark's dad enjoyed the DVD player he sent over. Clark says Bob did: "He, uh, really enjoyed those Westerns." That's why he was flipping channels on the TV? Freakin' Liar Clark. Lex -- suited up and walking down his hallways with Clark in tow -- hopes Bo is feeling better. Clark says that Lex has already done so much, but he still needs another favor: "I need $20,000 cash." He has photos. They're naughty. "You're right. That is big," says Lex. For lack of better material this week, it's the Gayest Look/Line of the Episode. Lex spends $20,000 on Kleenex for his bathrooms in a month. Lex asks what the money's for. Clark says his "friend" got mixed up with a bad crowd, and now they're making him pay for it. Every week, the four other ruffians force him to come and help make over slobby straight guys on TV. Lex asks if this is the old proverbial friend who happens to be Clark. Clark says it would be a lot easier if it were him. Lex says that money-hungry thugs are like stray dogs. They love ribs. Also, they'll keep coming back, asking for more. Clark tells Lex that his friend is being threatened with death. A lackey in a suit pokes his head into the room. "Mr. Luthor. Chopper's waiting," he says. "Chopper" is a midget with the best hands in the business. "Be careful," Lex tells Clark, but doesn't offer up the money. He grabs his coat and leaves the room. Clark notices the keys to Lex's Porsche in a silver ashtray.