Smallville
Velocity

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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Vroom, Vroom, Vroom!

Garage barn. Squinty is in the Porsche convertible. Christina Aguilera is standing around looking bored. Or drugged-up. Squinty seems to have agreed to the deal with Clark and Pete. He says that Pete has "quite a pair of lug nuts" to take him on. Indeed. Pete has got his Enyce jacket back on. It still looks ridiculous on him. Squinty tells his "baby" to take the Porsche down to the starting line. He kisses her in a familiar way. Pete's jealous that the trophy girl was never his. Pete asks how he knows the girl isn't going to drive off with the car. Pete takes the keys to drive the car down there himself. He asks Clark to keep an eye on the Mustang. That's the...er...red one, right? Squinty smiles and squints as Pete shoots out of the barn. Clark uses his crutch-in-ear-field superhearing to listen to Squinty talk to one of his henchmen about the race. It's a mighty animated ear! They're worried Pete might really win. They're going to rig the car so that it blows up at 100 mph. And Squinty is still calling Pete "The Boss," which is strange given that they think he's a pansy. Clark marches off to tell those bad guys off: "The race is off! You rigged his car." Squinty asks who made Clark racing commissioner. A thug picks up a Kryptonite fuel tank and holds it up. Clark starts to get sick. Dude whacks Clark in the back of the head with the tank. Clark goes down. Hard. I swear I've seen that tank-wielding thug on this show before. Squinty tells them to put Clark in the trunk.

Outside, at the Porsche, Pete asks where Clark is. Squinty says he thought Clark was out here with Pete. He says, "Let's stop stalling. Let's put it down." Down...on the road? I'm really confused here. Does he mean gas fumes? Pete gets into the red car. The camera eyes the trunk, and inside we see Clark, with the Kryptonite fuel tank right next to him. Clark's not looking too healthy. "Pete?" he moans. "Good luck, Boss," Squinty tells Pete just as they gun up their engines and get ready to race. Christina Aguilera and her purple imitation leather outfit stand at the ready. She waves the yellow hankie. They're off! Obnoxious rock music plays. Pete loses the early lead. He catches up. In the trunk, Clark is sleeeeeeepy. Racing. RPM stuff. Squinty Eyes takes the lead. Seabiscuit comes from behind! Pete catches up. He hits the green button, and Kryptonitrous shoots through the engine. Green flames come out of the exhaust. Pete shoots ahead like a majestic rocket. Pete's digital speedometer reads 94, 95. In the trunk, the green fuel is emptying out. Clark suddenly wakes up. Pete shifts his car higher. He's pushing 98. Clark looks at the line leading from the Kryptonite tank, and it's not real clear what happens here, but I think Clark punches through the fuel tank. Pete's speed suddenly decreases quite a lot. Gasoline sprays all over the road. Squinty squints like, "What the...?" His car swerves. It swerves again. The it suddenly blows up from underneath and flips over. Pete looks at his rearview in surprise. "That should have been Pete!" everyone watching at home screams. The Squintymobile is totally totaled. Pete stops his car and goes to look at the car. Squinty is all bloody and smashed against the windshield. Clark gets out of the trunk. "Oh my God. I think he's dead," says Pete. Clark looks so calm and relaxed about it it's almost funny. Wait, it is funny. Clark is jaded by death and dismemberment.

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Smallville

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