Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
Vroom, Vroom, Vroom!

Boom box blaring bass beats and mixed with guitar rock. Squinty is welding at the auto barn. He's interrupted by the sheriff and some police busting in through the big barn door. The sheriff really wants somebody to "drop that drill now!" Guns are drawn. Squinty licks his lips.

Kent home. "Good work, Mr Kent," the Sheriff tells Clark when he answers the door. She says it only took eight deputies and four cruisers to discover that the barn was "as clean as [her] grandma's pantry." Her grandma is still alive? Medical miracles never cease! Clark says he saw those license plates. She says that the only plates in the barn were the ones in the kitchenette sink. You only get one more simile this week, sheriff. You're way past quota. She says that the VIN numbers Clark gave her didn't match the ones on the cars in the barn. Clark shakes his head and says that's impossible. "Your information is about as accurate as the local weatherman," the Sheriff tells Clark. We have reached SIMILE OVERLOAD! Please empty out your similes and hand them to our simile stormtroopers, who will gladly take them off your hands and donate them to struggling writers. The sheriff says she's going to cut Clark some slack because she's had her eye on Squinty for a while and "he is one slippery fish." Squinty, too. She warns Clark that the next time he says there's "a storm a-brewin'," she'd better see some rain. It must be nice to have all your dialogue written by Reader's Digest.

The Barnness of 2 Slow, 2 Boringitude. Clark goes up to the loft. Pete's waiting. He's bloody about the face. And scared. And shaking. Pete says that Squinty thought Pete was the one who called the sheriff. So they kicked his ass. Apparently, Squinty has a deputy "in his pocket." It's a very tiny deputy. Clark says that's why he never gets busted. Clark tries to help Pete with his wounds, but Pete backs away and says he needs Clark to help get that $20,000. Clark doesn't know where to get it. "Go Kal on an ATM machine!" Pete says. ["Redundantly." -- Wing Chun] "You've done it before." Clark says that he was on red Kryptonite. "So go slip on a ring!" Pete demands. Clark says he can't do that. Pete says that they're going to kill his parents first, and then Pete. Clark says he'd never let that happen, but that he doesn't want to break the law. Pete says they've "gone Watergate" on so many people, it shouldn't matter. Yeah! Clark says they were trying to help others. Pete insists that now he's the one who needs help. Pete's crying. He says that if Clark beats Squinty up, the guy will just come after them later. Clark can't be on Secret Service detail all the time. So, death then? Death? You think? Yeah. Squinty'll probably die, huh? Pete says he has to put an end to this. Clark says there has to be another way. Pete cries that it's his family they're talking about: "If you don't give me that cash, we're dead." Clark thinks about pudding.

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