Commercials. Would I buy insurance from President Palmer? I'm thinking yes.
Lair of Lex. "Clark, you just caught me!" Lex announced. With Renaldo! Lex was on his way to a meeting. Lex asks if Clark's dad enjoyed the DVD player he sent over. Clark says Bob did: "He, uh, really enjoyed those Westerns." That's why he was flipping channels on the TV? Freakin' Liar Clark. Lex -- suited up and walking down his hallways with Clark in tow -- hopes Bo is feeling better. Clark says that Lex has already done so much, but he still needs another favor: "I need $20,000 cash." He has photos. They're naughty. "You're right. That is big," says Lex. For lack of better material this week, it's the Gayest Look/Line of the Episode. Lex spends $20,000 on Kleenex for his bathrooms in a month. Lex asks what the money's for. Clark says his "friend" got mixed up with a bad crowd, and now they're making him pay for it. Every week, the four other ruffians force him to come and help make over slobby straight guys on TV. Lex asks if this is the old proverbial friend who happens to be Clark. Clark says it would be a lot easier if it were him. Lex says that money-hungry thugs are like stray dogs. They love ribs. Also, they'll keep coming back, asking for more. Clark tells Lex that his friend is being threatened with death. A lackey in a suit pokes his head into the room. "Mr. Luthor. Chopper's waiting," he says. "Chopper" is a midget with the best hands in the business. "Be careful," Lex tells Clark, but doesn't offer up the money. He grabs his coat and leaves the room. Clark notices the keys to Lex's Porsche in a silver ashtray.
Porsche-ridin'! Clark has driven home in Lex's silver ride. Pete is waiting there for him. Clark's not happy about it. "Here's your $20,000," Clark tells Pete. Pete says that the car's worth a lot more than that. He asks if Lex gave it to Clark. "Not exactly," says Clark. Clark says he'll give the car back after Pete challenges Squinty of the Eyes to a race he can't refuse. To a...what? This isn't a great plan, Clark. Seriously. Clark says that if Squinty wins the race, he'll keep the Porsche. If Pete wins, he won't owe any money. Great plan, except...doesn't Lex bear the brunt of this awful scheme if it backfires? Pete says that as fast the car moves, it can't stand a chance against Squinty's car. Clark says that the Porsche is the prize; Pete'll drive the car he's always driven. The one that doesn't belong to him? Sure, Squinty will go for that. Pete says that Squinty Eyes has never lost a race. Clark says he'll use his heat vision to fry Squinty's engine. He's going to cheat? Why, that rascal! Pete: "A last-minute tune-up, Clark, you're awesome!" Clark spins on Pete and rails at him for enjoying this. No one is allowed to have fun in this episode. Especially not me. Clark is mad that he had to steal, lie, and now cheat for Pete. I thought that, in a regular Clark week, that was just called "Wednesday." "Let's get this done," Clark says bitterly.