Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!

We flash back to the present. Lex opens the locket and takes out a key. He tells Lady Fey to find the bank the key belongs to. She says it could take months. "Try 24 hours," he says, "it's in Zurich." She goes to work. Oh, by the way, you can totally have sex with me when we're done! I'll be around! Don't let these librarian looks fool you! I'm somewhere between a kitten and a cougar! I'm a coutten! Or a kigar! Rrrrowwr!

Commercials. Applebee's. Yes, we really believe you'll come and pay to eat here.

LuthorCorp. We visit the hallway leading to Papa Luthor's office. Someone decided that there was too much blue neon and industrial coldness, so there's a humongous plant there now, being tended to by two workers in green shirts. One of them, a lady, is on her knees and has her long hair sticking out of the back of a baseball cap. My wife, as I've mentioned before, never watches the show. As she's walking through the living room she looks at the TV and says, I kid you not, "Is that Lois?" My wife can spot NoTalent McBooberton from a mile away, yet Papa Luthor walks right past her in her amazing disguise. Jimmy is also there, hiding cleverly behind the plant. Lois pops her head up into the frame, her lips pulled back and her eyes all squinty. This is the face I make when I turn into an ace reporter from having been a mere plant waterer. As ridiculously stealthy music plays, Jimmy grabs his camera. The two of them follow Papa Luthor into his office and Jimmy starts taking flash photos as Lois asks if he has any comment on the death of Patricia Swann. Papa Luthor raises a hand in defense and says, "Put the camera down!" Then again: "PUT it down!" he barks. Jimmy takes another picture. He keeps looking to Lois for approval. She's got a T-shirt on now, Jimmy. Too late to see any more cleavage. Papa Luthor says, a third time, "Put it down." Did they tape the rehearsal for this scene by accident? Can we see them stretch and do breathing exercises, too? Lois looks like she's about to say something, but the camera goes to Papa Luthor as he says they're pretty resourceful. Yeah, those disguises were awesome. That whole bit was edited by an evil bird/robot, I think. Papa says that a press conference or interview would just be too conventional for "Miss Lane." Lois says Papa wouldn't take an interview with her if his life depended on it. He asks why she'd think he'd respond to an ambush. "This is your chance to tell the truth," Jimmy says. Lois says he can tell it before he's hauled away for murder. Worst. Reporter. Ever. Lois is one of those people who would go to jail to a protect a source and all of us other journalists would be like, "Could you keep her there, please? I think we'd all be better off." Papa Luthor chuckles and asks if it's boundless courage she has or incorrigible stupidity. Jimmy makes a face like he wants to laugh or comment, but wisely chooses to do neither. Can I pick? Pretty please? "Potato, po-tah-to," Lois says. Yeah. Bad answer. You just called yourself a courageous dumbass. Lois says that Papa was the last person to speak to Patricia Swann before she ended up "Sucking pond water." So compassionate, this crusader for truth and justice. Papa looks as disgusted as I am. He says this "Clever conversation" is now over. Lois and Jimmy follow him to his desk and keep badgering him. Jimmy says Papa Luthor had five calls from the woman the day she died. Papa says they were business calls. Jimmy pulls out a stack of printed photos (again, the paper must have an unlimited budget for giant glossy photo prints). He says that Patricia was always wearing a swan locket in every picture that was taken of her. Jimmy says that the locket was missing and was forcibly removed. He shows the autopsy photo where we can see a mark on the side of her neck. Is it really ethical to go around showing a photo of a dead person you're not really supposed to have access to in the first place? Maybe Lex should fire them. Also, why was it forcibly removed if she was already dead? Isn't that just calling attention to the theft? Papa stares at the photo of Patricia. He says it's very sad. "My heart goes out to her family," he tells them. Papa says that if that's all from the "Dynamic duo," that security will escort them out. Two beefy men in suits enter the room. The two lamest journalists on TV (and I'm counting morning television) are led out of the room. Papa loosens his tie and reaches into his collar. He pulls a necklace out. It looks like the locket that Li'l Lex saw earlier. The key is still inside. It bears a tiny Veritas logo.

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