Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Goodbye Jocko

Kangaroo Jack. Do I even need to provide a punchline?

Smallville High. The banner outside reads, "Acadmic Excellence." Principal Asskick must be doing himself and taking names. Chloe, Clark, and Pete are leaving a class. Clark asks if they're not overreacting about something. Chloe says she's upset that they thought something about someone their whole life and it turned out to be a lie. In this case it's that Alexander Graham Bell "snaked" somebody else's invention. Really? I never heard about that. Man, I'm always the last to know about old dead dudes and their scandals. Chloe says she hasn't been this disillusioned since she found out Betsy Ross didn't design the American flag. Wait, what? She didn't!? Oh, man, I am so depressed right now. Chloe says that Betsy Ross was her role model. Lana, who couldn't possibly have heard the conversation, joins the group and says, "Betsy Ross was your role model?" Chloe says it was in the first grade. Is it just me or are they trying to make Lana smarter and Chloe dumber in every episode? Chloe says that, one by one, our heroes are being defrocked. I know exactly what she means. My hero used to be a frock designer until he got burglarized. They took every frock! Chloe and Pete walk off.

Clark and Lana are in the hall. He says there's a winter festival in Grandville that weekend. His mom has a produce booth. He says they can go and hang out. That sounds like the absolute worst date ever. Not surprisingly, Lana begs off. She says she has to take some extra shifts at The Talon. Clark says he knows she's worried, but that she should still try to have some fun. At the produce booth? Heh. There's an extra waking behind them who watches them. And there's a kid behind them who looks eleven years old. Lana changes her mind and agrees to go. Hooray for vegetables!

Surreal moment. A pair of Marine-uniform-clad legs walk down the hallway. Lana and Clark look over. The Canadian extras all part like the Red Leaf Sea. In slow motion, Jocko, wearing the fancy uniform, strides over. Clark is like, "Oh, FUCK!" Lana watches, slack-jawed. She drops her books and they hit the ground like cannon fire. Jocko in close-up. Nice ears. They walk toward each other as if in a dream. Or a bad script. Jocko takes off his hat. They hug deeply. The camera spins around them. People go back to walking. We pan over to Clark, who stands alone and forlorn. Awww.

An assortment of colorful flowers! It's the Kent Kitchen. Bo Duke -- whom I honestly have missed (my life has gone horribly astray without his gentle platitudes) -- says it's nice to have good news for a change. MamaKent says that Ma Jocko must be thrilled. "Yeah," Clark says, all nasty. Bo says he thinks Clark won't be the Grand Marshal at Jocko's homecoming parade. You know what? They got Regis to do it! Clark says he's glad Jocko's fine, and that he knows this is selfish (ya think?), but that things were getting good with Lana and now...he's back. MamaKent -- who follows the saga intently -- says she thought they broke up. So did Clark. Now Lana's throwing Jocko a party at The Talon. Opportunism! Bo is sure Clark's going. "I don't know if I can stomach seeing them together again," says Clark. You're not on a damned soap opera, Clark. Bo stands up suddenly. He says that Clark has to put his personal issues aside, and that Jocko fought for this country and deserves a hero's welcome. Dude, this is the guy who strung up your son in a cornfield. Just because you want to probe the guy's tight end with your wide receiver because of your football nostalgia lust doesn't mean you get to take it out on your (adopted alien) son. Clark blinks meaningfully.

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