Smallville
Visitor

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The Marshall Mouthers Episode

Hey, folks! How was your break? Did you miss those rosy Clark cheeks? Did you still have dreams about Lex's smooth head even though there weren't any new angles to see of it while the show went on hiatus? Or did you cheat on Smallville? It's all right. I like Kiefer too. I dig on President Palmer. Soul Patch still smolders, even without the facial hair. It's fine if you had a little Tuesday-night affair. I won't tell anybody.

On this show, however, there are no ticking clocks or nuclear bombs going off, unless you're talking about inside Clark's pants. We start the new episode (it's called "Visitor," which is what many longtime viewers will be if the rest of the season doesn't match the peak of February's "Rosetta") in typical show fashion. We're at Smallville High in some sort of class where, of course, there's no teacher supervision. (Oh, and by the way, what was up with that "six new episodes" promo before the show? Lana's taking up boxing now? The only boxing I want Lana to partake of is making a home within a huge cardboard one and taping it from the inside.) This looks like a shop class, but it's specialized shop. Two crudely drawn batteries on a chalkboard are supposed to clue us in that we're in an electronics class. My dad totally wanted me to take this in high school. He thought this whole writing thing was fine and all, but he really thought I needed to be an engineer. He was plenty pissed when I took acting and newspaper electives instead. But enough about me. Let's talk about faceless extras tapping on buttons and playing with cathode tubes and blacklight stuff you'd find in the bargain bin at Spencer Gifts. There seem to be as many girls in the class as boys, which seems great to me. In fact, Chloe is there. She walks up to those hapless boys, Clark and Pete, and greets them. She doesn't seem to be doing any kind of electronics work of her own, but that's okay because her flippy hair carries its own alternating current. Chloe is wearing a camouflage top with the sleeves cut off. And her hair is sadly flat this week. Chloe examines some sort of clothes-hanger contraption with oranges stuck to it. She asks what they're doing. Clark fills her in that the citrus has enough acid in it to act as a battery. Wait, isn't that like a third-grade electronics project -- the kind they make you do because they don't trust you with power outlets? You're from another planet, Clark. Even for you, this is pretty lame. Chloe says that's very Survivor of them. Try I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! Chloe asks if they're calling it "A Clockwork Orange." Pete says he bets Chloe wishes she were the first one to think of that, but he mumbles it all to hell. Pete is just surrounded by an aura of lameness. I used to think he was cool, but I was younger and stupider then.

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Smallville

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