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Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
The Marshall Mouthers Episode

More commercials. Vince Neil's looking a little Pillsbury Doughboy these days.

Back at the tower. Evil Breckin is looking at the tower like it's his own personal sex toy. "Oh yes," his vacant eyes say. Marshall, meanwhile, is screaming for those mean old bullies to just knock it off. "Do it!" Mean Breckin yells. The truck starts to roll back. The tower buckles because it's made of Cheez Whiz and sporks. I'm amazed it's even bolted to the ground. Marshall yells. Breckin yells. Clark suddenly superspeeds in and holds the tower up by gripping it tightly from underneath the back end. Um. Did I really just type that? The tower starts to lean back into place, reverse-video style. The mighty struggle between super-man, man, tower, truck and, uh, gravity! The chain itself starts to break. It is the weakest link. Breckin falls back on his ass. Marshall is knocked out of his tower. Clark superspeeds over and catches him. Marshall says he has to get back up there for his parents. Clark says that his parents died in the meteor shower. "That's ridiculous, Clark. My parents aren't human," says Marshall. One of the bullies calls over. Breckin's neck is broken! There's nothing worse than broken Breckin neck. Clark tells Marshall that he can save the guy. Marshall sees a bright light from above and says he can't help because he'll be stranded on this world forever. Clark reminds him and us: "You have the power to heal!" I wish I had the power to fast-forward. Clark tells Marshall not to let the bully die. "We both know you're better than that," Clark says. Marshall didn't know that. He's just Marshall Mouthers. He's just a regular guy, he don't know why all the fuss about him. Marshall, still with the headphones, gets on his knees next to Clark and breathes deeply. Ha, Breckin totally has curly hair. And his neck sure does look askew. Marshall does his Mr. Miyagi again at the neck. It glows like a brightly glowing neck. Breckin's neck suddenly snaps sickeningly back into place. He gasps. Marshall falls back on his butt and Clark is there to catch him. Evil Unbroken Breckin gets up. "I missed it," Marshall says. He faints with his eyes open. We hear now that the light from above is a helicopter. It's Kansas police. They've sent vehicles to come assist. We pull back to see the crazy-ass tower.

Back at the farm. MamaKent and Bo go outside on the front porch and call out for Clark. They can't find him. They wander over to the barn and see him leaning against one of the barn doors. He's in full-on Mope Mode. Bo puts his hands on Clark's shoulders. Clark exposits that the doctors diagnosed Marshall with having a complete mental breakdown. Oh, by the way, a law just went into effect that you can't reveal information about a patient to someone calling in asking. So I guess those Smallville writers are going to have to think of other ways of quickly wrapping up their loose-leaf notebook paper-thin plot-holed episodes. Clark says that the doctors don't know if Marshall will recover, and transferred him to a "special" hospital in Metropolis. Maybe he can bunk with Professor Snideface. Clark thinks Marshall was nearby when his ship landed and took the memory for his own history. MamaKent tries to make Clark feel better about his dashed hopes. Clark wonders why Marshall would give up a chance to go home to save a bully. "Because he was a lot more like you than we ever thought," Bo says, winding far and back with the curveball platitude. Clark kind of gets that. The shoulder pat from Bo helps.

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