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The Marshall Mouthers Episode

Oh, yeah! I forgot all about this theme song. Commercials. Celia Cruz rules, even if she's shilling for Dr Pepper.

Mmm pastoral Kent Farm, where the cows have missed us. Clark is standing in the bed of the family's red truck, pitching huge bales of hay over a white picket fence. Lana approaches on a horse and Clark doesn't even stress over her seeing him use his strength like this. Clark greets Lana and says he hasn't seen her in a long time. He says it like it's a bad thing. Lana says she got some time off at the Talon and thought she'd take the horse out for a run. "He hasn't been out much since, uh, Whitney..." she trails off. Hey, Lana. Wanna take this opportunity to list off all the tragedies and abandonments in your life? No? You sure? We're here for you if you need us. Awkward pause. Lana says she heard about what happened at the electronics lab. She says it sounded wild. Clark counters. It was, in fact, "pretty weird." Wow. Wacky. Clark says it's like Marshall is in his own world, taking teenaged alienation to a whole other level. I hate when the show takes on these faux psychobabble tones. Lana says they all have ways of escaping from their lives. She rides, Chloe writes (weird dialogue choice there. The way she talks, those two things sound almost identical), and Clark, according to Lana, does incredibly strenuous farm chores by himself. Clark says he guesses Lana knows his deepest and darkest secret now. I want to scratch off all my skin with a spork. Smiles all around. Clark tries to pat the horse on the nuzzle, but it goes, "Neeeeey!" and moves its head back. Lana says the horse is sick, and that the vet just attributes it to old age. She says Jocko Whitney's mom wants to sell the horse since she can't afford to "stable" him anymore. Clark offers to keep the horse at the Kent homestead. "It is a farm after all," Clark says. Well, damn, I guess it is! How very agrarian. Lana thanks Clark. He smiles moonily.

Lair of the Lex Worm. Wide overhead shot of Lex shooting some pool. His doctor babe girlfriend, Dr. Dropkick, lays a tabloid on the pool table and says it's yesterday's paper. The garish color spread with photos of her has the headline, "Gold-Digging Doc Bags Billionaire Baldie!" Ha! She asks why Lex didn't tell her about it. Lex says he thought he bought up every copy in Smallville. You know, that's kind of sweet, actually. In a deranged kind of way. Lex, very nicely, says he's been dealing with this his whole life and he's sorry the tabloids came after her. "I was trying to protect you," he says. Dr. Dropkick, with her hair all wild and sexy, says she's been treated differently ever since she started dating Lex. Because she was being treated like the town queen back when she was beating people up and taking anger management classes. Lex asks if this is why she hasn't moved in with him. Dropkick stutters that her lease isn't up yet and she hasn't had time to pack. Since when do doctors worry about breaking their lease? Lex whips out his trusty cell phone and says he'll pay for the lease breaking and will have movers at her house in an hour. Way to call her bluff. Long pause. Dropkick gives Lex a sort-of-admiring smile. "What's stopping you now?" he asks. The music in the background is a little distracting, by the way. Dropkick says she has to do this on her own schedule. Lex puts his phone away into his pocket, where so many fans wish they could go. Lex takes a step forward and tells Dropkick, "I completely believe in us. But if you want to back out, I'll understand." Oh, Lex! Take me to Barbados! Ahem. Lex takes his hand off Dropkick's elbow and walks past her toward the door. "Can you make it two hours?" she asks. Score one for the sexy bald man.

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