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Dead On A Rival
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Hello, everybody! I just went on, like, a seven-mile hike and I can barely move. My brain is mush, but luckily, that lends itself to recapping this show. Shall we?

We open on a Metropolis night. The camera angles down a bit to a Met U. building -- the dorm where Lana and Chloe live. We cut to an inside shot of someone's bookshelf. There are books on human anatomy and nanotechnology, so I'm guessing this isn't the Delta Gamma Smiley house. We pan down and see another line of books, including Exploring the Afterlife, which is just like exploring the tundra but with more dead people. Someone lying down is tapping a boot against the edge of a bed. It's Lana Lang, and she's got her eyes half-closed and seems to be biting her lower lip. Man, the single life has hit Lana hard. Watch a video while you do that, at least. Put some effort into self-abuse, would you? Lana, suddenly impatient, can wait no longer for whatever it is she wants to do. She gets to her feet and quickly opens up a closet door. She hunts for something and licks her lips. Cold, hard cash. It's everywhere you want to be that's dirty and foul. Lana exits the shot.

We cut to the exterior of a cafeteria, so identified by a large sign that reads, "CAFETERIA." The cafeteria has its own fog machine, apparently. Inside, creepy music plays as Lana walks the dark and lonely hallway. A fluorescent light flickers on and off. Yes, we know. We've all seen Twin Peaks. We cut to someone playing with Day-Glo green liquid in small bottles. The person in the shot is moving the green stuff from one vial to another mixing bottle, wearing rubber gloves. "You're late," he tells Lana as she comes in. I know that Lana is supposed to look awful and strung out with the bags under her eyes and less makeup, but I actually prefer this look. She just looks like every sleep-deprived girl I went to college with. In the real world, we call it "normal."

The guy with the flasks says he hopes there wasn't a problem with the cash. Lana lies that money wasn't the problem; she says she had to ditch her roommate. Lana snarks about Chloe, implying that her roommate's not easy to get away from. Liar! Lana hands over the cash and says that it's $2,000, the rest of her savings. Drug fiends don't usually announce to the pusher when they've hit the bottom of their bank account. Just sayin'. A girl with even bigger circles under her eyes, blonde hair and goth makeup walks an IV stand over and tells Lana they're just about fixed up for her fix. Pusher Girl stumbles over the IV stand as she says it, inspiring not a bit of confidence in whatever procedure is about to happen. "This is not a drug trip," Pusher Guy says, messing with a syringe and a big tube of hot green stuff. If it was, I'd be having a lot more fun. Pusher Girl says that she was just making a little funny. She knows that what they're about to do isn't just a hallucination. Pusher Guy, who's just a wee bit too intense, says she's damn straight. He says that his little cocktail is going to earn him a Nobel Prize. Hey, man, if Bono hasn't gotten one yet, you'd better get in line. Because you're not Bono. Lana just looks lost. Pusher Girl is hoping instead for a big, fat paycheck from a pharmaceutical company. This will seem crazy stupid when we actually find out what it is they're doing. "New from Pfizer: Death! (May cause deadly side effects. Consult your mortician.)" Lana tells her new friends that she wants to stay under longer this time. "Two minutes," she asks. "Forget it," Pusher Guy says. "It's too dangerous." Lana whines that it's only twenty seconds longer than last time. Pusher Girl is all for pushing the pink envelope. Lana says that she almost found "them" last time. Pusher Girl says she's been down almost as long. Hey, forget you guys. I've been down since I began to crawl. Pusher Girl holds up a vial with red liquid and tells Pusher Guy that he can easily bring her back. If this all seems confusing, don't worry. It'll make sense in a stale, familiar way soon enough. Pusher Guy frowns. Lana makes with the woodland creature eyes.

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