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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
Dead On A Rival

Back in "Central America," chickens and a pig roam the streets. Chaos! Clark asks two young Latinas if they've seen the man in the photo. They giggle at Clark and shake their heads. In Honduras, they call him "El anglo muy tonto." Clark sees the little boy from last week carving into the wooden spaceship sculpture. "Can I see that?" Clark asks. He takes the carving and examines it. It's not to scale, Clark.

Met U. Lana, looking sneaky, is hovering outside a med-school lab. She uses a keycard to get inside the room, which we'll later find out is simply her student ID. A teacher is leading the med students in carving up their cadavers. Pusher Guy is telling his lab partner to cut into the bone two inches below the joint. That's where you get the wishbone. Lana calls his name. He looks at Lana in disgust and asks what she's doing there. Pusher Girl, with her nose ring and goth lipstick, stares. Future doctors of America! Pusher Guy takes Lana aside. "I have to do it again soon," Lana tells him. He tells her that she could get them expelled, and orders her to get lost. Lana pleads that she has to see her parents. For a Nobel Prize nominee, this guy sure is a pushover. He agrees, but it's going to cost her $5,000. Lana smiles: "No problem." She looks worried, because you're supposed to have that look before going to commercials.

Commercials. Pepper Dennis. You're not watching that crap, are you?

Stately Luthor Manor, nighttime. Lex, wearing his black and purple ensemble, walks down the hallway toward his office. He hears something crash inside. Then he hears some rustling. Doesn't he have video monitors somewhere to see what's going on anywhere in the house? Lex touches a secret panel in the wall and removes a handgun. He cocks the pistol and enters the office. He sees a shadowy figure holding a flashlight. Lex, pointing the gun, says, "Don't move." The figure, of course, moves. Lex grabs the person and spins her around, pushing her against the wall. It's Lana, looking sweaty and puffy. Lex puts down his gun-firing hand.

Cut to Lex interrogating Lana later, saying that he had no idea it was her sneaking around his place: "I could have killed you." Wow, how talented is Lana that she got past Lex's deadly security team? I think the security team now consists of a stuffed moose and a puddle of oil in the garage. Lex, sitting down by the fire across from Lana, says that if she needed money, all she had to do was ask. Lana, with her knees curled up around her chin, says she's sorry. She didn't want to lie to Lex. He asks her to tell him what's wrong. "There's nothing wrong with me!" Lana says, smiling creepily enough to assure him that everything is wrong. She gulps. Lex says that she didn't want to lie to him, but she was willing to break in and steal. Ouch. Lex says that she's acting like a junkie trying to get her next fix. Thank you, Lex, for spelling it out to those of us too dumb to get that. Lana looks pretty hurt and offended. She's a thief, not a drug addict! Show some respect! She tells Lex that there's a guy at school who's created a chemical. "So it is drugs," Lex says. Lana says it's not what he thinks: "They kill you and then they bring you back." Oh, well that's different. That's perfectly fine for you to...WHAAA!?! "Lex, I died," she grins. "I died and I came back!" Yeah. Sweet. Uh, Security? Oh, wait. Damn! Lex rolls his eyes. Lana says that she went to the other side. And it was just as lame over there. Lana says she saw her parents, gushing, "And it was beautiful." Crazy atonal music plays. Lex, in his long black coat, gets up, comes around, and sits next to Lana. He puts an arm on her back and says that nobody understands the loss of a parent like he does, and that he understands taking such a chance to see a dead person you love: "You have to look at yourself...look at what you become." Yeah, Lana's less than perfect now, right? How horrifying. Lex says that this isn't what Lana's parents would have wanted. Lana apologizes, but says she wanted to see them so badly, whining, "And I'm just so alone." Manipulation! Lex suggests that they both stop trying to hold on to the people they've lost. Take that, Clark! Lex says that they should be turning to the people they still have in their lives. Lana agrees. Lex says she's cold, and offers to go get her a blanket. As soon as he leaves the room, Lana, sneakily, goes to Lex's desk and grabs his car keys.

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