We transition stormily (ha!) to Lana's cherubic face. The camera rotates a full circle around her face, because if it were to stay still for even a moment, Lana's unbelievably unnatural beauty would render the idea of captured motion images useless for all other humans. Best to keep it moving. Clark says her name and puts his hand on her head. Because you wouldn't want to catch a fever when you just got thrown around by a twister. Clark, in his torn-up suit, looks around as the camera pulls back. We see the twister off in the distance. We pull back further and hear tinkly music. There's an overturned tractor (of course) and a swath of destruction. Why, God, why? I don't mean the tornado. I mean the show.

New title credits. Everybody looks...shinier somehow. And more orange. Maybe I need to adjust my set's color. Funny things: They added that awful CGI sunset. And Lana jumping in front of a huge fireball. That, my friends, is funnier than anything I can say here. John Glover has been added to the credits, and that is some good juju, right there. MamaKent is doing her signature pucker. And Bo Duke looks like he's breaking especially pleasing wind during his little moment. Watch it again. I'm serious.

So, "Vortex." In high school, my best friends and I had a thing where whenever somebody told a bad joke, the Humor Vortex was there, above us, waiting to suck somebody in. So you'd grab your friend who told the bad joke by the arm, holding him to the table, and say, "I got ya, man." And there was a whole mythology about the man in the Humor Vortex who would call your name and beckon you to the Vortex. "Omaaaaaaar," he'd bellow, "Join meeeeeeee." And if you got sucked up there, you'd have to sit on a throne next to him and watch Blazing Saddles with him for all eternity. I'm sure there's a lot more I'm forgetting, but that's what this episode reminds me of. Maybe there should be an Acting Vortex just for Lana.