We transition stormily (ha!) to Lana's cherubic face. The camera rotates a full circle around her face, because if it were to stay still for even a moment, Lana's unbelievably unnatural beauty would render the idea of captured motion images useless for all other humans. Best to keep it moving. Clark says her name and puts his hand on her head. Because you wouldn't want to catch a fever when you just got thrown around by a twister. Clark, in his torn-up suit, looks around as the camera pulls back. We see the twister off in the distance. We pull back further and hear tinkly music. There's an overturned tractor (of course) and a swath of destruction. Why, God, why? I don't mean the tornado. I mean the show.
New title credits. Everybody looks...shinier somehow. And more orange. Maybe I need to adjust my set's color. Funny things: They added that awful CGI sunset. And Lana jumping in front of a huge fireball. That, my friends, is funnier than anything I can say here. John Glover has been added to the credits, and that is some good juju, right there. MamaKent is doing her signature pucker. And Bo Duke looks like he's breaking especially pleasing wind during his little moment. Watch it again. I'm serious.
So, "Vortex." In high school, my best friends and I had a thing where whenever somebody told a bad joke, the Humor Vortex was there, above us, waiting to suck somebody in. So you'd grab your friend who told the bad joke by the arm, holding him to the table, and say, "I got ya, man." And there was a whole mythology about the man in the Humor Vortex who would call your name and beckon you to the Vortex. "Omaaaaaaar," he'd bellow, "Join meeeeeeee." And if you got sucked up there, you'd have to sit on a throne next to him and watch Blazing Saddles with him for all eternity. I'm sure there's a lot more I'm forgetting, but that's what this episode reminds me of. Maybe there should be an Acting Vortex just for Lana.
The strangest PlayStation commercial ever leads us back into the "Vortex." We're in a strangely lit hospital. It's purple and pink, with lots of neon and medical equipment. It's like we're in Courtney Love's bedroom. Hey, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme on a stretcher! Jean's not looking so good these days. We overhead-pull-back from him and circle. I think the cinematographer this week got high and played with his daughter's Spirograph at some point before they shot this episode. It's mass chaos. People are lying in the chessboard-tiled hallway. I think this is what they call a "triage." It's medical slang, like "beeyatch." Some dude hurt his arm, but he's limping off. That sort of thing. Clark busts in calling for help. He calls for a doctor, but nobody listens. You'd think, by now, everybody at the hospital would be on a first-name basis with him. "I need help, now!" Clark says dramatically toward the guy standing next to the camera. I paused it, and you can see his purty greenish-blue eyes. Somebody penlights Lana's eye open. Clark, for all his superpowers, looks perplexed by this basic medical function. Lana's waking up. Clark sighs. The diminutive lady doctor asks the patient's name. She turns, and when we hear the "Whoosh!" of supermotion, we know Clark's not around. Lana, meanwhile, is all splayed on the stretcher, as if she got really drunk at a frat party. The camera pulls back down the hall of the Las Vegas-looking hospital corridor.