Vortex (2)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Suck: The Aftermath

Clark superspeeds through a field of very carefully placed debris. Then he rushes down the Kent Farm storm-shelter stairs. He calls for his mommy. He sees MamaKent's legs as she's lying on the floor, and for the first time in the show, he calls her "Mama." Twice, even. Mini-shout-out, perhaps? I leave that for you to decide. MamaKent wakes up in a panic. "We have to find your father!" she says. She expositions the stuff about Nixon and how Bo Duke went after that dastardly reporter. Clark goes off to find them. But before he leaves, he turns around. "Mom. Where's the ship?" My guess is that it's on a nice plate of pesto pasta with a side of spinach artichoke dip. To hammer home the point, we get a shot of where the ship used to sit. It's empty there. Yep, empty space. A whole room full of it. Yep. Uh huh. No ship, all right. It certainly is no longer there.

AAGGH! Papa Luthor! He's lying down, all braced up, with his head bandaged and everything. We pan back from an overhead view and pivot to see a doctor standing next to Papa's hospital bed. I'm telling you. The cinematographer is getting his weed on. Doctor rattles off the injuries. Swelling in the vertebrae resulting in partial loss of leg feeling. Ruptured spleen. Severe trauma to the optic nerve. Lex says he wants a med-evac to Metropolis. Lex has a little gauze over the cut above his right eye. The doctor cuts Lex off and tells him that moving the critical condition patient is not an option. They don't have Lionel hooked up to any breathing mechanisms or an IV. How bad off could he be? Lex starts to offer some Lionel clout, but the doctor says he knows who Lionel Luthor is and can't give him special treatment. "That's not what I meant," Lex says. "He's my father." That exchange made no sense whatsoever. The doctor leaves. "Leeex...Leeex," we hear Papa Luthor say, without opening his eyes or moving his lips. I hope there's not a ventriloquist's dummy somewhere in the room. Lex tells his dad not to worry; he's going to fly in a specialist from Metropolis. Creepily, and as Lex looks on, Papa Luthor says he saw in Lex's eyes what he was thinking: that life would be easy if Papa wasn't around. Lex gulps. "Dad. I'm sorry," he says. Papa says nothing. Strings play. See? Isn't that simple sound cue so much better than crappy alt-rock that's going to age so badly by the time this series comes to the U.S. on DVD? If they'd played Nickelback, or some bullshit like it, it would have ruined the scene.

Clark is on the farm, yelling. Man, nice tan, dude. A VW bus is turned over. I don't think there's ever been a VW bus on this show. They must have borrowed it from the set of That '70s Show. MamaKent comes out. They try to reassure each other that Bo is fine. I mean, come on -- he has to know at least a hundred platitudes about tornado safety alone. Looking at a storm-gnarled tree, I'm sure he'd be prone to say, "They don't call it a twister for nothing, son." MamaKent says that Bo might not have been thinking straight (heh heh). She says she's never seen him that angry. Not even the time all the cows tried to stage that coup, along with those very intelligent pigs. Damn, that Napoleon! Damn him straight to Hell! "Do you think he..." Clark begins. What? Settled a bar bet with his penis? "No. He would never," MamaKent says.

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