Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: B | Grade It Now!
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Of Curses and Comic Cons

Back at MetCon, we follow behind a tall, dark-haired man in a red jacket as he makes his way through the convention room floor. Aw, Clark's wearing his red-and-blue outfit again! But only when someone bumps into him and he turns around do we see it's not Clark. It's just some guy who vaguely looks like him. This is the second week with a phony Clark. What up with that? The real Clark is actually the one who bumped into him and he's in a dark jacket and dress shirt. The real Clark frowns a bit, confused until the familiar angry tones of Lois's voice reach him. "Hey!" She grabs him by the lapels and drags him across the aisle. "You only get to frown that much when you've been sweating like a pot roast all afternoon!" He stares at her storm trooper outfit. He just doesn't get the con, he says. "All the colors, the costumes... it's like everyone has a popcorn image of what being a hero is all about!" Dude, last week you were hanging out with a bunch of people who would have looked right at home at the con. So don't be casting stones at cosplay, Emo Blur. Lois sticks up for the con, saying it's all a fantasy, something magical. Clark mopes, "Being a hero is about sacrifice, responsibility, and accountability... from what I've heard." Lois tries to get him to see the fun of it, but he looks like he's in the middle of a Kryptonite colonoscopy. A feminine voice just off-screen agrees with Lois: "Lady's got a point." They both turn to see Zatanna in her sexy magician's outfit. Lois seems happy to have someone on her side... until Clark greets the interloper by name and Zatanna says she needs to talk to him. Alone. Clark tries to introduce them, but Zatanna is already leading him away, leaving Lois to look like the saddest little storm trooper in all the Empire. Commercials.

Back from the break, Zatanna tells Clark why she's there: She found out her magician father got a little cocky in his youth and went on a little "cursing spree." Zatanna has been cleaning up some of dear old dad's messes, and the comic book is one of them. They walk by a C-3PO, which I only note because: Hee! "According to my dad's journal, our thief is bound to be feeling the effects of 'true power,' just like in the comics." Zatanna says she normally works alone but can't think of anyone she'd rather have help her. She sidles up to Clark and all but bats her eyelashes at him. He's distracted, though, because his superhearing has just picked up Lois's angry braying from some distance away. She shouts at someone to wait their turn. Clark excuses himself and tracks her down in a men's room. A long lined of costumed men with bladders full of overpriced convention soda and bowels clogged with greasy convention nachos are griping because Lois has locked herself inside to change clothes. Clark knocks on the door and asks her why she's in there. The line for the women's room was too long, she says. When she finally emerges, she looks like Wonder Woman's and Xena's lovechild. She's managed to curl her hair, do her makeup, and squeeze herself into a fancy leather getup in mere minutes. [Probably still stinks, though. - Z] Are we sure that Lois doesn't have powers? All the guys in line gape at her. "Stop gawking and prosper," she says, making with the Vulcan fingers. She had that costume at home all along, and she decided to go to the con as a storm trooper? [Hell, why not Stiletto? - Z] Brimming with excitement, she starts to tell Clark about the stolen comic book, but he harshes her buzz by already knowing about it. Another tall, dark-haired boy dressed like the Red-Blue Blur walks behind them. [How do all of these people know what the Blur wears? He's a blur! - Z] Off Lois's expectant expression, he explains that Zatanna told him about it. "She has a few leads she wants me to help her track down," Clark says. Lois snarks, "I'll bet you do," which... makes no sense. Maybe she meant to say, "I'll bet she does," but her Amazon Princess headband is cutting off the circulation to her brain. Clark tries to explain there's no hanky-panky involved, but a smokin' hot Spartan soldier interrupts and wants his picture taken with Lois. Lois wanders off with the Spartan to do her own investigating, leaving Clark befuddled as to how the conversation went downhill so fast. Zatanna, having apparently seen the whole exchange from a few yards away, offers Clark a shrug.

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Smallville

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