Inside. Old Man Rooney is showing Clark some of his wares, including an item he says MamaKent tried on the last time she was in the store. Clark asks if she tried anything on that didn't have four numbers in the price. Well, there was this sex bracelet that Clark's not supposed to know about.... Bobby Briggs walks in as Old Man Rooney tells Clark that he just got in some costume pieces from a local designer. "Quite unique," Rooney says, as he shows Clark a pin with a Kryptonite stone in it. You know the drill: Clark winces and turns away. You might say that Kryptonite is Clark's Kryptonite. Young Bobby Briggs suddenly puts two fingers to his throat, and his Adam's apple starts bobbing up and down (Bobbing Briggs!) as we hear a disgusting flesh sound. Bobby purses his lips and a high-pitched tone rings out. People in the store, including Clark, cover their ears in pain. Goatee Bald comes in to take care o' business. Young Bobby Briggs's lips are vibrating. Gay men everywhere just found a show to take the place of Queer As Folk when it comes to stroke material. Glass shatters. Goatee Bald needlessly pulls a pantyhose over his face. A glass case holding the Kryptonite pin shatters. Clark watches it as his eyes go red. He shoots little Eyejaculate Meatballs toward Goatee Bald. Unfortunately, the pin flies in the way, and when one of the meatwads hits it, it shines green laser light all over the store. A meatwad hits its intended target as a gun flies out of Goatee Bald's hand, but Clark gets struck by green light. He falls to the floor in pain. Old Man Rooney whips out his double-barrelled shotgun. "Not another step!" he tells Goatee Bald. Young Bobby Briggs makes a quick getaway without anyone's even noticing. "The police are on their way," Rooney says. Oh, like he even knows. Lana comes in. She goes to Clark, who's not looking so healthy. She asks if he's all right. "Lana?" he asks. "Lana. It's my eyes. I can't see!" He does sound very scared. Somebody saaaaaaaave Clark! An optometrist, maybe?
Opening credits. It would have been cool if they had made them all blurry and out of focus this week. Oh well.
Commercials. This show is brought to you by Secret: Strong enough for a man, but made to conceal Clark's sexual orientation.