Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
The Blind Leading The Blahna

This episode's gonna be like the first night in prison. We're just going to close our eyes, bite the pillow, and get through this thing. There there, Betty. It'll be all right.

We open at the storefront of Smallville Jewelers, a heretofore unseen concern in a town that's obsessed with necklaces and rings. Clark is window-shopping, but there's really not much fun taken in it when you have X-Ray vision. There's a multi-colored glass cock (the rooster variety) in the window. Don't even ask. "Looking for something special?" a voice asks. Oh. Crap. Lana. YOU BROKE UP! I call "No fair!" Again! If Clark were any kind of man, he'd say, in a rich baritone, "Yeah, and I think I just found it," while winking at the Pink Princess and maybe scratching at his balls. But, no. He just says that his mom's birthday is coming up. Tight shot of Clark with an American flag waving behind him. Somebody cue the Toby Keith music. Clark turns from the window and asks Lana how she's doing. She says she's still trying to get the taste of hospital Jell-O out of her mouth. Which is strange because...she never ate any hospital Jell-O, so.... Oh my God, Cheryl, have I got some gossip for you! Lana says that the leg is feeling better. Clark wears a blank expression, as if he's thinking, "Leg? What's she talking about leg -- oooooh!" Clark says he thought about visiting. Like once, three weeks ago. In a half-remembered dream. Lana says she understands, as tinkly "Dance Of Ignorant Flirting" music plays. Lana abruptly shifts gears and walks away: "I gotta go. Bye." Does she need Lex's meds from last week? What is wrong with that girl? No, sorry, don't email me with a list. Mine is already well into triple digits. As Lana walks off, we see an extra walking stiffly with a Flock of Seagulls hairdo and faded assprints on her (I think it's a her) jeans. I'm not sure what this portends. Maybe Tears For Fears are poised to make a comeback. Clark watches Lana leave for what feels like five minutes before walking into the jewelry store. I don't blame him. Lana's going away is always something to be savored.

Just as Clark enters, a sleek black Trans-Am convertible with a sleek-headed, tough-looking bald dude at the wheel pulls up right in front of the store. Next to him is a man-boy who could be the younger brother of Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks. Young Bobby Briggs asks if the older man is sure about this. Goatee Bald advises that if the lad follows the plan, nobody will even know he's there. "You smash. I grab. It's done," he says, pulling out a gun. That's the same advice Luigi would give Mario before every adventure. Goatee Bald puts in some earplugs as the kid gets out of the car and heads to the jewelry store. A heist!

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