Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
The Blind Leading The Blahna

Inside. Old Man Rooney is showing Clark some of his wares, including an item he says MamaKent tried on the last time she was in the store. Clark asks if she tried anything on that didn't have four numbers in the price. Well, there was this sex bracelet that Clark's not supposed to know about.... Bobby Briggs walks in as Old Man Rooney tells Clark that he just got in some costume pieces from a local designer. "Quite unique," Rooney says, as he shows Clark a pin with a Kryptonite stone in it. You know the drill: Clark winces and turns away. You might say that Kryptonite is Clark's Kryptonite. Young Bobby Briggs suddenly puts two fingers to his throat, and his Adam's apple starts bobbing up and down (Bobbing Briggs!) as we hear a disgusting flesh sound. Bobby purses his lips and a high-pitched tone rings out. People in the store, including Clark, cover their ears in pain. Goatee Bald comes in to take care o' business. Young Bobby Briggs's lips are vibrating. Gay men everywhere just found a show to take the place of Queer As Folk when it comes to stroke material. Glass shatters. Goatee Bald needlessly pulls a pantyhose over his face. A glass case holding the Kryptonite pin shatters. Clark watches it as his eyes go red. He shoots little Eyejaculate Meatballs toward Goatee Bald. Unfortunately, the pin flies in the way, and when one of the meatwads hits it, it shines green laser light all over the store. A meatwad hits its intended target as a gun flies out of Goatee Bald's hand, but Clark gets struck by green light. He falls to the floor in pain. Old Man Rooney whips out his double-barrelled shotgun. "Not another step!" he tells Goatee Bald. Young Bobby Briggs makes a quick getaway without anyone's even noticing. "The police are on their way," Rooney says. Oh, like he even knows. Lana comes in. She goes to Clark, who's not looking so healthy. She asks if he's all right. "Lana?" he asks. "Lana. It's my eyes. I can't see!" He does sound very scared. Somebody saaaaaaaave Clark! An optometrist, maybe?

Opening credits. It would have been cool if they had made them all blurry and out of focus this week. Oh well.

Commercials. This show is brought to you by Secret: Strong enough for a man, but made to conceal Clark's sexual orientation.

Kent Farm at night. Inside, Clark is still blind. This trend? It will continue. MamaKent helps him sit down and fluffs a couch pillow for him before moving over to Bo Duke to tell him that they have to do something. It's the first of many instances this episode in which people will confuse Clark's blindness for deafness. Bo exposits that Clark's retinas were scarred by that heat burst. Lemme get this straight: Krptonite affects Clark, but only when he's close to it. Removing a Kryptonite bullet from his chest healed him instantly, but a little green light to the eyes causes permanent damage? Whatthefuckever. Bo says that the doctor was baffled. Probably even more baffled when he couldn't draw blood. MamaKent explains that it's because Bo Duke handcuffed the doc. Oh, that was just Bo being kinky. Bo says that the last time they trusted a doctor, she sold Clark's blood to Papa Luthor. MamaKent says that they'll find someone they can trust. Perhaps some sort of time-traveling frontier Medicine Woman. MamaKent nags that they may have to risk someone's learning Clark's secret. Bo, deathly serious, says that this is about Clark being hurt by his own powers for the first time. Wait, isn't that the theme of every single episode? Bo says that before everybody runs out of the house with their peckers in their hands and skunk juice in their hair (or, er, words to that effect), they should really think this through. Clark asks if he gets a vote. Well, sure, if you want to screw things up even worse. Clark bravely stands and looks at nothing. Bo puts a hand on his shoulder and says of course he does. Clark says it may just be a question of time before he gets better. MamaKent tells him it could be permanent. Next on Smallville! A hero gets set up on a literal blind date with a veiled Muslim woman! Clark uses his powers to build himself a giant cross that he can get hung upon by bravely saying that brave people everywhere bravely choose to live with their disabilities every day. Clark is ready to bravely be one of those brave, brave people. MamaKent looks like she's going to cry. "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Clark asks. "[I] go to school and walk through a wall?" Sniff. That Clark! He's so...brave!

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