Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | 574 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
All-American Reject

In the hallway, Clark says that they have to stop it. Chloe corrects him: it's not an "it," but a "her." The plant's sex is female. You can tell by its lovely lady lumps. Clark guesses that the plant needs a male to reproduce, and that's why the female was killed so quickly. Yeah. Because that makes total sense. A body is being brought in a bag on a stretcher as a paramedic explains that it's the park ranger who's been missing. Clark says that he can identify her. They unzip the bag. It's a blonde woman. Clark says that there's been a mistake; that's not the park ranger. Oh yes it is, King Dorkus. They say it's her, and that she went missing the week before. She's the only female ranger in the county. "Gloria," Clark says. "G-L-O-R-I-A!" Clark dramatically turns to Chloe. Then he superzips out of there. A half-second too late, Chloe turns to follow his zip-trail. Bit slow on the editing there, guys.

Back in the Deep Dark Forest of the Medical Center, the vines are looking way creepy. Chloe stands in the doorway and notices a vine getting shocked on an electrical outlet. The lights go out. Chloe reaches out and touches the black vine that was just electrocuted. It snaps and crumbles in her hand. Chloe has figured out how to save the day!

The real forest. "Gloria!" Clark yells. "G-L-O-R-I-A!" You're way early, Clark. She come 'round here about midnight. Oh, wait, my bad. Here she is. She says she thought they'd meet again. "What are you?" Clark asks. "I'm just a girl that loves nature," she replies. Clark says that she's not human, or even from this planet. Like you are, Clark? Gloria says that she's going to like it here. Clark demands that she go back. NOW! She says she can't. Yeah, why don't you just lend her your spaceship, Clark? Or better yet, your transporter beam? Gloria says her world is gone. She says that it was paradise -- tons of green and lots of vegetation, at least until steel towers replaced the forests. Oh, shut up, Sting. She says that she tried to correct the balance of nature. "At the cost of how many lives?" Clark asks. She doesn't like Clark much anymore: "They didn't understand me either." She's even cute when she's trying to be menacing. I'm not sure she should be cast as villains anymore. Gloria says that they branded her a prisoner, and sent her to a place where the sun never sets and nothing ever grows. "The Phantom Zone," Clark guesses. Gloria suddenly recognizes Clark. She says that he's the Kryptonian who opened the portal. She was there when it happened. The savages were attacking Raya when Clark touched the gateway and everything turned white. Funny, I don't remember seeing a chick in a park ranger outfit when that happened. Gloria smiles: "Looks like I'm not the only one who doesn't belong." Clark suggests that she learn to adapt the way he did. She says that's what she's doing: there's a party nearby of eligible suitors ready to help spread her beauty. It'll be like The Bachelorette, but with carnage and more thorns! Gloria inhales deeply: "Can you smell them?" Actually, Clark can. Mmm, boyflesh. Clark tells Gloria that she has to stop. "Says who?" she asks him. She makes the forest shoot out vines that grab Clark and pin him to a tree. One chokes him. Gloria says that she can't change her nature, and that no one will ever make her do that again. Clark struggles. Gloria walks off. Clark, choking, notices Jimmy's body lying nearby. Clark is getting weak. He falls unconscious. A big pointy branch has impaled him from behind, right through the chest. Ouchie. We pull back on a giant, Blair Witch-looking branch structure holding Clark, and dramatic music. It's a thorny situation!

Smallville

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP