Smallville
Wither

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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All-American Reject

How's your stomach doing? Is your stomach all right? Because we're about to go full-on Lex + Lana. Ready? All right, let's do this. The song that was playing in the last scene continues. It's by James Carrington, and it goes, "Have I told you I ache?" Dude, like, every single day on this show, are you kidding me? Lex is holding Lana's hand as they walk down the hall toward his office. He tells her it's a night of firsts: it's the first time he's danced like that and the first time he's felt so satisfied. Hey, Lex, just wait. Lana, sounding dubbed here, says that she was expecting the word "happy" to come out of Lex. He says that happiness is just a feeling of euphoria -- just brain chemistry -- and why relationships fail when the honeymoon ends. Lana asks if Lex has always been such a romantic. Still holding hands, Lex says that he'd be saying gushy things if Lana were any other woman. But, he says, Lana isn't like anyone else. Of course she's not. Haven't they tried to remind us of that for something like 110 episodes? Lana tells Lex to be careful, because she's dangerously close to being satisfied. She smiles, and it's full-on Kreukferatu again. Lex says that his evil plan must be working. Lana laughs. Lex asks what changed to make her grace his arm tonight. She says, "Life. Wanting to live it." They stand by the fire. Lana unbuckles Lex's cape and takes it off. "What are you doing?" he asks. She unbuckles his breast plate and takes that off, too. She takes off Lex's shirt, exposing his chest. They kiss. Lex stands there in only a skirt. All right, it's pretty hot. What can I say? More kissing. Lex turns Lana around so that her back faces us. He takes off her dress. Her back is exposed. James Carrington asks if he told us he aches. Yeah. You did. He asks again. More kissing. Naked kissing. I think Lex is suddenly kissing a taller body double, but I could be wrong. So, Lana has had sex to Coldplay and to James Carrington. Call me when she starts doing it to Enigma or Tool. The show is trying to make it all pretty and romantic, but let's face it: Lana and Lex are totally fucking tonight. Suck it, Clana fans.

The song continues as we cut to the Barnness of Oneballitude at night. We hear something bouncing. Inside the barn, Clark is sitting by the futon, bouncing a ball at the wall. He's so damn bored and alone. Lex had his ball tonight, and now Clark has his. Wide shot of Clark sitting alone. Has he told us he aches for you? I think that he has.

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Smallville

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