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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
All-American Reject

Lair of Lex. A woman in glasses pulls away a bunch of frilly costumes on a big rack. Lex is on a phone telling "Dr. Groll" (Dave Grohl!?) that he already knows what the device isn't. He wants to know what the device is. He must be talking about the interdimensional remote control coaster thingy. Lex gets off the phone as Lana walks into the room, asking, "What's all this?" Yeah, what's all this then? "My God," says the very tall woman with the costumes, "your complexion is even more radiant than in the magazines!" Oh, fucking BARF. That girl's complexion isn't so bad either. Lana doesn't know what to make of that, because she's not at all used to being the center of attention and being lavished with unbelievably stupid praise on this show. Lex introduces the woman as Monica, and says that she's helping them to pick costumes for the charity ball. "She can help you put something together," Lex adds, as if Lana is incapable of going to a costume shop and picking up a $20 French maid outfit. Come to think of it, she probably is incapable of that. Lana thanks the woman for coming, but says that she can dress herself. Lex says he thought she'd have fun being anyone she wants. Do you have anything in a plushie squirrel costume? "Well, I can tell ya what I'm not," Lana cracks. "'The next Lex girl'?" Lex half smiles at Monica and asks her to excuse them. Monica goes out into the hall to tell the security staff how radiant their complexions aren't.

"You saw this morning's paper," Lex guesses. No, it's just a spectacular coincidence. Lex tells Lana he was raised in front of the cameras and knows it can be hurtful. He tells the story of how, when he was thirteen, a reporter caught him between classes at boarding school and asked how he felt about his mom's death. He didn't know she was dead, and he had a microphone shoved in his face next to classmates he couldn't stand. Was the reporter's name Rita Skeeter? Lana looks a bit horrified. "The press will tear us apart if we let them," Lex tells her. Lana says that they're right about the revolving door of women Lex has had. "Maybe," Lex says. They're half right. Lex says that he's never asked any of those women to move in with him. Didn't Boobs McChesty live in the mansion for a little while? Lana says that Lex desires what he can't have; she asks what happens when he gets it. Lex says that he struggles every day with his nature to allow himself to have this with Lana. What's "this"? A platonic roommate who whines about stories in the newspaper Lex has no control over? That's so worth fighting for. Lana says that she's fighting her instincts to believe Lex. That's it, Lana. You pissed off Lex. He says that he's given her time and space and she still doesn't know what she wants. It's almost as if...she's a cipher of a character who's so ill-defined that she has no goals or aspirations! "And you do?" Lana asks Lex. What Lex wants is Clark. Obviously. Lex says that he wants to stop pretending he and Lana are only roommates. Lana looks down. She says that she needs to be sure, and that she always trusts people too much. "No, you trusted Clark too much," Lex snaps. Lana also trusted Jason. Lex says that Lana can come up with excuses for why this won't work, but that she has to decide. Lex says that Lana can fight with Clark's ghost, or be with Lex. But Clark isn't dead yet matter! Just answer! "I'm done paying for his mistakes," Lex says, of Clark. Have you noticed that there really hasn't been a single line of dialogue in this episode that doesn't sound like it was lifted from some other movie or TV show? Lana stares at Lex, feeling a little ambushed. Well, you did come at him looking for a fight, didn't you?

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