Smallville
Wither

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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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All-American Reject
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

This episode is brought to you by San Antonio's CW station, KCWX, still without Closed Captioning. Thanks, CW!

We open on a very weedy-looking Makeout Point, where teens have their cars parked and their interior lights on, the better to film their necking sessions (do the kids still say "necking"?) for YouTube. Each car has its own hormone-engorging soundtrack, from lilting oldies to crap rock to...news? Chloe and Jimmy ("The James") Olsen are sitting in a car, not making out at all, listening to a news broadcast. It's totally hot. Chloe asks what they're doing there. "Well, I don't know exactly," says Jimmy. Dude really needs to get some facial hair or something to make him look older. Wouldn't Jimmy look fantastic with a wispy brown Fu Manchu? Jimmy says that he got a hot tip about something weird going on up there, and that he thought it might make a good story. Oh, he's got a hot tip, all right. Wouldn't Chloe have been asking about the story long before they were already parked up there? Chloe asks if the weirdness is two people at Makeout Point not making out. Jimmy says that since they're undercover, they should be a little more convincing. Quick! Stick your tongue past my teeth! We're undercover! Jimmy does the behind-the-neck arm move. I think cavemen used to do that move, but sadly, it would end with a clubbing and dragging the girls back to the cave by their hair. Jimmy puts his hand on Chloe's shoulder and nervously stares straight ahead. Chloe grins at him: "Are you putting a move on me?" Yee...eesss? Jimmy snatches his wayward hand back and denies it, before asking, "Do you want me to?"

Oh. Man. We need to talk, Jimmy. Step into my office. No, dickweed, my office is over here. That's my broom closet. I'll tell you what I used to do in high school to drive the ladies buckwild. Let's see...uh...grow a mullet. That's the first thing. Wear hard contact lenses that make your eyes red and watery all the time. Try braces for a few years. Be active in the drama and newspaper clubs. Wear silk shirts. And drive a mid-1982 Buick Skylark. In beige. That totally worked wonders for me, Jimmy. Take it from The Master. Soon all the girls will be not returning your calls and writing noncommittal things in your yearbook about maybe seeing you someday in the future but probably not.

Chloe reminds the audience that she and Jimmy "planted [their] flag on the summit of intimacy" when they were interns, but...Jimmy interrupts her, seeking assurance that it was great and all. No, totally great, Chloe agrees. Jimmy is very horny. Chloe says that she wouldn't mind exploring that again...one day. She adds that maybe this time they could take it a little slower. "Well, I'm slow!" Jimmy announces. Yeah, see, that didn't work so well for me in high school. Jimmy realizes what he said. "Slow is great," he clarifies. Be Tantric like Sting. "You'll barely see me move," he promises. Chloe smiles. There's a long moment of them looking at each other. Chloe dives for Jimmy, and they start making out.

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