Before we start with this episode, I would like to offer the following:
"Al and Miles: A Lament"
O, Al and Miles!
Why the wrath?
Why the Lana?
Why so pink?
Do you dream of electric preternaturally pretty sheep?
Do you hate me so?
Do you wish to make me hate in equal measure?
O, why "Witness"?
This crap's gotta stop, y'all.
The flaming ass isn't fooling anybody.
And, I feel better now. We start the episode with...aw, shit, I forgot about this. Clark and Lana. Whoop-de-freakin'-do. They're at the ornately decorated Talon, which seems to have stolen some Egyptian items from the Metropolis museum. Clark is thrilled to be asking Lana about an equestrian show. He says he didn't realize how important it was to Lana. She's boring, Clark. How could an equestrian show not be interesting to her? So, I got a new TV, but no high definition tuner. I like to think here's a better version of Smallville on the other end of that HDTV tuner. Lana says she's excited about the equestrian show because her biological dad, Henry Diminutive, will be there along with some lady he's married to. Clark asks how the father/daughter thing is going. Ew. I get spam like that all the time. Lana says it's going great, but she's really vague about what constitutes "great." Does Henry lend you his car? Does he let you wear makeup? Less makeup than usual, perhaps? Lana gives Clark a bottle of ketchup to open and says she's optimistic about her fatherly future. "You deserve to be happy," Clark says, over ketchup.
The person Clark doesn't think deserves to be happy is Chloe, who walks up wearing something from the back of Stevie Nicks's closet. There's orange and a green scarf and Chloevage. It hurts my eyes. Chloe goes behind Clark to make him avert his gaze and his ketchup from Lana, and asks what happened to him. She says that Clark had a story due -- an article about the debate team. That's way more exciting than horses. Clark says he got caught up helping Lana. With ketchup. Chloe looks away and says that the story is already late. Like this recap. She says she had to print the lunch menu in 60-point type. Now, that's just physically impossible. Chloe implies that the student body will care about that. I worked at a high-school paper. They won't. Lana tries to take the blame, but Chloe won't let her. Chloe says she doesn't blame Lana. She glares at Clark. Clark looks mildly amused. Ass. (And we'll get to that ass later.) Lana excuses herself and thanks Clark for his help. Clark watches Lana go (he hates to see her leave, but he loves to watch her go) with a goofy grin and says he'll make it up to Chloe. He promises. Chloe points out Clark's shit record on promises. Clark asks what the big deal is about one story. Just ask the debate team. They're dying for publicity! I listened to them argue that point. Chloe says that Clark couldn't give up one riding stint with Lana. Clark tries to make it not about Lana. He didn't get the email about how the show is All About Lana. Even Eve is jealous. Chloe says that Clark is never there when she needs him. Clark asks if she's being a little harsh. Nope. Chloe says she's never a priority to Clark; she's just a backup. Clark finally has had enough truth for one day and says that if that's how Chloe feels, maybe he should just quit. Chloe agrees. "Fine. I quit," says Clark. Chloe suddenly looks hurt. She rubs her temple and face. You're so much better than this episode, Chloe.