Clark and Lana are out riding horses when a storm creates a lightning situation that affects Lana when she happens to be holding a meteor rock. She saves Clark from a falling windmill. She is Lana, and she's suddenly super. And bad. She's Superbad. Lana loves her new powers and thinks it's giving her some sort of window into Clark's soul. She and Clark have The Supersex in the barn (now the Barnness of Permanentstainitude), and it literally rocks the whole county. Chloe comes over to see what's up afterward and...awkward! We learn that without Lana's powers, she and Clark weren't able to have regular sex before. Could this relationship be any more doomed?
Meanwhile, one of Lex's scientists/henchmen (is there really a difference at this point?) has discovered that the piece of spaceship that Lex has turned into black liquid in the Kryptonite-infused container where they're storing it. The liquid, the remnant of Professor Fine/Braniac, isn't happy. It's sentient and wants out of the container.
Lana, now flush with Pink Power, breaks into Lex's place and steals a hard drive of information about the so-called Scion Project. (Enjoy your shout-out, Toyota.) She takes the info to The Daily Planet, but Boy Editor is reluctant to use the info. Lois tries to talk to Lana and gets kicked in the face by Lana. While in the hospital, Lois meets cute (but not that cute) with Boy Editor. They flirt in the elevator, mostly over her exposed, hospital-gowned ass. It leads to some real office romance later as they make out in his office while he's deleting the files from Lex's hard drive. Homeboy is working for Lex.
Lana attacks Lex and threatens to expose all his lies to the world. They kiss, strangely, because being bad is so hot. Lana almost kills Lex, but Clark shows up to stop her. They fight. Super Lana Fu is invoked. Clark grabs a loose electrical wire and zaps himself and Lana to free her of her powers. Ridiculously, it works. In the melee, they stupidly break the Kryptonite chamber holding Braniac. Braniac later possesses one of Lex's scientists. He's baaaaack!
Clark, having found out about Lana's Isis organization and her secret Lex-Watching Lair, goes to Lex's house, and they have it out about Lana. Lex knows Lana is still obsessed with him. He thinks it's outweighing her love for Clark. Chloe, who has also learned all about Isis, confronts Lana and basically tells her to watch her back in regards to Clark or she'll lay the investigative smack down. Lana and Clark talk about all that's happened in the barn. She's willing to go to extremes and kill for Clark and wants to know that that's all right. Clark isn't quite willing to say he loves her no matter what. Somehow, we will survive this Lana-centric episode.
The Writers Strike is in full swing. That means we may have a short season. And that probably means a Season Eight. You think they'd kill this Gold Kryptonite Goose? No way, man. It's on until the break o' dawn. And my spine.
Clark and Lana are riding horses through the fields as alt-crap music plays. What they may be saying to each other is unimportant because all you think watching this is Massengill:
Lana: Clark, even with all your superpowers [jumps a fence] do you ever get that...not so super feeling?
Clark: Oh, jeez, all the time. You wouldn't believe the swamp-ass I get in there sometimes.
Lana: Which power are we talking about?
Clark: The power to sweat like a man. I can stink up a five-mile radius.
Lana: I think we should see other people.
Alas, it only ends with Lana and Clark getting off their horses and Lana giddy at the fact that racing them is one of the few things she's better at than Clark. She thanks Clark for a romantic afternoon that included champagne (pronounced, "Cham-pag-nah" by me, just for fun) and truffles. Truffles? Where did Clark get truffles? Oh, wait, I forgot about that new odd shop in the town square: Mr. Truffleupagus. Clark asks if all this romance is overkill. Oh, God, yes, Clark. Champagne and truffles on the same day? You absolute beast! They need to lock you up before you ruin it for all men. Lana says she loved it. Sadly, she associates that kind of kindness with somebody wrecking her car or sleeping with her (non-existent) sister. Lana is all kinds of fucked up in the head, Clark. You should know this. And yet, you don't use that superspeed to run away at a high velocity. For that reason, you are fucked up, too. As they tie their horses to the fence, Clark whines that lately Lana's seemed a little distant. Huh? What was that? Sorry. I was miles away. Lana, still looking away, says remotely, "Guess I've been busy." Busy ignoring your lame ass. Clark continues being a leaky vagina, saying that they finally have a chance to make this relationship work. Lana says she's adjusting to her new life (which is really just her old life with a dash of sneaky thrown in). Clark rubs the horse's nose for good luck and dives into the emotional sinkhole that is being with Lana. He says he knows what this is about. Do you, farmboy? Do you really? As they walk, Clark says that all this business lately with his cousin from Krypton has made their lives crazy and abnormal. Lana says that if she wanted normal, she'd date someone who didn't shoot fire from his eyes. We call it "Eyejaculation," Lana. And it's a bit sexy. Clark and Lana stare at each other, then kiss. Clark lies and says that if everything they've been through was just for that, it was worth it. It's sweet, but really dumb. "Awww" music plays. Lana smiles warmly. There's thunder, which is all the foreshadowing of doom you really need. The horses react. Lana and Clark rush to get them inside. As they go inside a fence, Clark suddenly stumbles against a windmill. It's the old meteor rock sickness. You'd think there wouldn't be any rocks left around the farm by this point. Lana looks down and spots the glowing green rock. She picks it up to toss it in the field instead of disposing it somewhere that Clark might not stumble upon it again. Just then, lightning hits the top of the windmill. We see it flow down and zap both Clark and Lana, sending them flying back. The windmill itself cracks at the base and begins to fall over. Clark, having rolled, looks up to see it falling down toward him. Suddenly, it stops. Clark looks over. Lana is standing there, holding the windmill up with her arms. She raises it higher. Clark stares at his girlfriend. She smiles at Clark like, "Holy shit, dude!" I'm not a fan of Lana, but it's a very endearing look.