Commercials. Beowolf. The epic tale can finally be told! And not in some pussy poem, either.

Smallville Medical Center, natch. Clark finds Lois and Chloe sitting together in a waiting area. Lois was kicked in the face, but she's holding her shoulder. "Hey!" Clark says. Hey yourself. Your girlfriend is a fucking bitch. Lois jokes that Clark shouldn't forget flowers for Lana on Valentine's Day. Clark can't believe Lana would do this. When did Lois get Politician's Wife hair? Chloe thinks Lana must be juiced on meteor rock, or at least this is her story in front of Lois. She gives Clark a look. Wow, Chloe's hair looks really short this week. She's positively pixie-like. Lois asks herself why she moved to the mutant capital of the world. Chloe asks her to put a moratorium on that word. Clark can't believe Lana would do this over a story about Lex. Lois tells him that Lana's look of vengeance made Medea look like Mother Hubbard. Tyler Perry's Madea? Now that I cannot believe. Clark brings up Lex's safe. Lois mentions Project Scion and promises to hunt for information as soon as she's "Bondo-ed." Who in the fuck talks like this!? I think Lois is the one from another planet. The doctor will see Lois now. Maybe he'll medicate some sense into her. Once she's gone, Clark tells Chloe that Lana would never hurt Lois intentionally. Clark thinks she's getting more aggressive. He thinks they have to find her. Chloe doesn't enjoy that idea.

We cut to...the hospital again? Just kick me when I'm down, show. Lois is running around the hall in a hospital gown. Did they admit her? She was holding her shoulder in the waiting room and now she's staying at the hospital? Lois, holding the back of her gown closed (ah yes, it was just an excuse to get her into a skimpy outfit; it all makes sense now), goes to an elevator. It opens and Boy Editor is there, holding flowers. "Oh, ho ho ho ho!" he says. He saw her bare ass as she backed into the elevator. "Vera Wang? Maybe Dolce?" he asks. Lois is really not thrilled. "Is the Jell-O really that bad?" he asks. I still can't believe Lois is in the hospital but not hooked up to anything. Lois takes the flowers. She says daisies make her sneeze, but she thanks him anyway. Lois says she's escaping. You couldn't have escaped with a pair of pants? What are you, some kind of nudist? Lois jokes that she may have to take him hostage if he narcs on her. He says she's working the fantasy angle. "Shut up," Lois tells him. And not in a cute way, the way it sounds when Betty tells someone that. I'm not sure which is worse. Lois and Boy editor flirting or the recent debacle with Jimmy and Kara. Right now, I'm hating this one more. Lois gets after Boy Editor for not printing Lana's info about Lex. She plans to land the story. He warns her not to clash horns with the Luthors. "Then I guess the claws will have to do," she says. Boy Editor stops the elevator. He says he's serious. He says, weirdly, that he doesn't want to lose his ace reporter. Wasn't she just hired? Lois says she knows what's going on. She doesn't deny there's some sexual tension between them. Oh, gag. She asks what office romance ever works out. The one on The Office? She tells him to keep his wick in his candle or however the saying goes. She says the fantasy stops here. Boy Editor grins at her like a hungry wolf. Lois exits the elevator, which is no longer stalled. She gives him a look as he stares at her ass on the way out. Then she covers it with the flowers as she walks. She's escaping...back to her room? I really do think she's suffering from major head trauma.