Smallville

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Hell Hath No Lana...

Kent home. Clark comes home to an empty house. He calls for Lana, but can't find her. Dude, you don't have to yell. She has superhearing. Clark finds a black satchel on the kitchen table. A datebook is sticking out. He pulls it out to read. Lana is so slick, she leaves her secrets out on the kitchen table for Clark to find. Within it, Clark finds a piece of paper. Suddenly, Lex is standing right there. DUDE! My superhearing never works! You should know that! "I wouldn't trust her either," Lex says. Clark glares. Lex tells him to skip the "you're not welcome here" prologue. Thank goodness. Lex says that someone left his vault door on the rug. He says Lana was seen walking out of the mansion. Why was she walking instead of getting out at superspeed? Lana is too stupid for these powers. Lex asks Clark what the hell is going on. Clark says he doesn't know. Lex asks if Clark knows why Lana would steal from him or why she possesses superhuman strength. "She's obviously been infected," Clark says. Clark says Lex should have a better answer than him as to why Lana is breaking in. "You really don't know what Lana's after, do you?" Lex asks. Clark says Lana has reasons not to trust Lex. "Funny," Lex says (but it really isn't), "I was under the impression she'd moved on." Lex says it's hard to cut the cord. He adds that revenge is like an addiction. Clark says, "I'm sure you would see it that way." Oh, shut up, Clark. Clark says he knows Lana better than Lex does. Lex asks if that's why Clark is digging through her things. Lex guesses, correctly, that Clark is the last to know about Lana's Isis Foundation. "Stings, doesn't it?" he asks. (Sniff) A little bit! Clark asks what Isis is supposed to be. Lex says that on the surface, it's a clinic to treat the meteor infected, but beyond that, he doesn't know. Clark, still holier-than-thou, says he wouldn't expect Lex to understand what it's like to want to help people. On a farm. By yourself. Lex asks why Lana didn't tell Clark about Isis, if it's so awesome. Lex says he can see it in Clark's eyes. That and a whole lot more. It's the Gayest Look of the Episode. Lex can see that Clark doesn't trust Lana. Clark flinches. It still stings a bit!

Daily Planet fly-over. Lois is in Boy Editor's enormous, pretty office. He gives Lois a look as she's unwrapping a hot dog. She thinks he's dissing her, but really, it's just the natural male response to a woman eating a hot dog in the room. Lois can't believe Boy Editor has never had a "Famous Frank's" before. You eat a hot dog in front of your boss? Boy Editor rags on hot dogs, saying he can't believe anyone would eat something that could survive a nuclear holocaust. Lois sips on her drink. "Maybe next time," he says, handing Lois her story back. It's marked up, but not so badly, in red. The headline: "Youth on the City's Edge: The Street Gangs of Metropolis." "It's just like this frank," Lois says, pointing the wiener menacingly at Boy Editor. She says he doesn't respond to her articles because he's not down with the people. He tells her to watch the attitude; he's still her boss. Lois pretends to quote from several reputable sources. Lois is about to walk out of the room when Lana enters, wearing black leather and looking like an action figure. Lois asks if there was a Joan Jett audition she didn't know about. An audition to be Joan Jett? Who the hell is writing Lois's dialogue? It's terrible! Lana just stares at Boy Editor, who tells her she'll have to make an appointment. Lana, still with the turtleneck, closes the door (so polite!) and says that she could go to the assistant to the editor at The Herald. Lana says she came straight to the top. And not just earlier today at the barn. Heeeeeyyy-O! (Rimshot.) She asks if Boy Editor wants a story or not. He says he's listening. Lana pulls the external hard drive out of the bag that Clark was going through earlier. She says it's proof that the "born-again" Lex Luthor isn't as changed as he claims. Lana says it's a classified project called "Scion." The kids really dig boxy cars. Boy Editor asks if Lex just handed over the hard drive. Lana insists that it doesn't matter where the drive came from. She wants the world to know the real eeeeevil Lex. Boy Editor says he's not going to settle a score for Lana in the pages of the paper. At the very least, it's worth a guest editorial! Or a blurb on the comics page. He says he can't run a story from stolen sources. Lana grabs him by the suit and says he can verify the facts any way he wants. We get a close-up on Lana and boy is there a lot of make-up on that face. "You're printing that story," she tells him. She pushes him against a wall. Lois comes at Lana, saying someone better switch to decaf. Lana roundhouse kicks her right in the face. Lois goes sailing, right through the glass of the door. Now somebody please explain to me how that wouldn't have broken Lois's neck and killed her. Lana looks triumphant. Lois looks unconscious and bloody. "Then I'll take care of Lex myself," Lana says. She walks past Lois, her stiletto heel walking across glass. Nice boots, Lana.

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Smallville

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