Smallville
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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Slash-o-Vision

For the second week in a row, we don't get any "Previously"s to start the show. I like to think it's because the producers think every episode is a unique and individual snowflake-like jewel of brilliance. But more likely, it's so you won't notice that we've had four episodes and four consecutive villains-of-the-week. The X-Files called. They want their storylines back.

American flag. Speedy alt-rock music. We pan down from the foreground flag to reveal a town bank. It's a flat building jutting a blue and white flag hanging down from the building with an "S" on it. Inside, a sign depicting a smiling man reads, "Make your dreams a reality!" The "S" of the Smallville bank logo is prominent as our boy Lex Luthor walks into the frame. He's wearing a snazzy suit complete with a tie. He takes a gander around and then walks past, carrying a red backpack. Through blinds, we see into a tiny office where a Prototypical Bank Manager sees Lex and hurriedly hangs up a phone, gets out of his chair, and comes out to greet our young pre-evil genius. Bank Manager Man, who is also wearing a suit and looks like a blond J.T. Walsh, rushes up to Lex. "What can I do for you today?" the manager asks. Lex coolly tells him he wants to close all of his accounts. Manager expels some air and asks why. "Is there a problem?" Lex asks, probingly. "No, no, no," Manager backpedals. He says that the Luthors have just been banking at the Smallville Bank for twelve years, and it's a shock. Lex gives him a big smile and replies, "I'd like it all in cash." Bank Manager, who is acting really fussy, expels another panting burst of air and then says that the bank will do its best. Bank Manager asks Lex for his signature. Lex signs a slip of paper while turning his head to give Bank Manager a coy silly smile while he does it. Tease. Bank Manager opens up a card catalog-looking drawer and pulls out another piece of paper. It shows that Lex's signature is completely different than the one on the slip he just signed. Suspicious pounding dark music plays. Over on the other side of the counter, Lex is still grinning up a fey storm. Bank Manager walks over with the wee slip of paper in his hands and asks to see Lex's driver's license. Lex looks nervous. "Why?" he asks, as his hand twitches. This bank has the nicest flat-panel monitors on the counters. How can a small-town Kansas bank afford that? Oh, right. Crap interest rates. Bank Manager says he has to verify Lex's ID. Lex sounds angry all of a sudden, saying, "I'm standing right in front of you." He pissily takes off his red backpack and throws it on the counter. Bank Manager says it's policy. Whoa! Lex is packing heat! And he's carrying a gun! Lex whips out a huge, huge pistol and points it at the poor manager. "I need the money now," he says, as the camera zooms in, very From Dusk Till Dawn. The camera zooms in on Lex, then on Bank Manager from an opposing angle, then back on Lex. We got a three-zoomer. Lex bares his teeth, telling Bank Manager to fill up the bag.

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Smallville

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