Smallville
X-Ray

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Slash-o-Vision

Hip-hoppy music plays as we get a shot of Smallville High. The same shot, in fact, that we've seen four episodes running, with the same "Fly to Victory!" banner out front. Inside a gym, boys in yellow shirts and red sweats (ew) are doing the rope climb. A coach is barking out orders, and I swear at one point he yells, "That's the stuff!" Goodness. Pete and X-Ray Boy are standing together; Clark has his newly freaky eyes fixed on Lana Lang, who has her hair up and is walking with the rest of the girls toward the locker room. Lana turns for a second, and exchanges a quick look with Clark (or the camera, depending on what you think the point of view is here). She's a little sweaty, but still fully decked out in her full makeup. "Keep your eyes in your head, man," Sneaky Pete says quietly and with no inflection at all. That's what I like about Pete. He knows it's not really a joke, so he didn't try to sell it as one. You gotta respect that. X-Ray Boy suddenly squinches his eyes and puts his fingers on his temple, the universal sign for "I'm having a paranormal moment," as the sound effect of headache doom plays. Coach asks whether Clark is okay. Clark says his head hurts. Oldest excuse in the gym book, any gym coach will tell you. "That's because you need to get your blood pumping!" the coach says. That's just...wrong. Pete and Clark do end up on the ropes, literally, as they climb up near the top. Pete's actually winning, and the coach threatens X-Ray Boy with ten laps if Pete wins. "Looks like someone's doing laps," Pete says, as he wins. Yeah, you're going to feel really good about winning there when you find out in ten years that Clark let you win whenever the two of you competed. Suddenly, X-Ray Boy's face gets all worried; when we look back at Pete, he's Inside Out Man! We see his muscles and tendons as he asks Clark what's wrong. It's actually very nicely done. It's no Hollow Man, but then that movie had Kevin Bacon. ["And was the worst movie of 2000, if you ask me." -- Wing Chun] Clark looks even more scared and lets go of the rope as Pete yells after him. Clark lands flat on his back; instead of calling an ambulance, everyone just asks whether he's okay. Because he's Super, he is. Clark sits up, and he gets another Dead Zone-like flash. This time, his eyes are penetrating a gym wall and...well, hello! He's seeing inside the girls' locker room. All the girls are wearing colorful matching underwear. Not a cotton set of oversized panties to be seen in this Kansas high-school locker room. Not even a Carrie to come in and get pads thrown at her. "Turn it up! Without a doubt!" the music plays as Clark watches Lana come around wrapped in a towel. He can see through walls, but not a quarter inch of cotton fabric? Right. Lana turns her back to the camera and lowers her towel. We see Clark and his goofy-ass grin. The music climaxes. So does Clark.

Yellow Kent house. MamaKent and Bo Duke are asking questions about X-Ray Boy's new powers. He explains that sometimes he can see through walls; other times it's more like an x-ray. He tells the parentals that he gets a headache right before it happens. MamaKent says that she's sure there's some way he can control it. "I can see through things. How do I control that?" X-Ray Boy mopes. MamaKent says that his eyes have muscles, and that he just needs to learn to practice. Maybe he could do part-time work in the radiology department at a hospital. Bo Duke brings his ignorant ass into the conversation, telling X-Ray Boy that he needs to condition himself so he doesn't get random flashes. Are they hot flashes? This pisses X-Ray Boy off; he asks, "How am I gonna do that?" and marches off. MamaKent puckers. Bo Duke looks worried.

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Smallville

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