Downstairs. Painted girl rejects from the aborted resurrection of Laugh-In are shaking their booties. Liv Lite is running off. Lex turns her around. Lex himself gets turned around and punched in the face by a pursuing Parker. Punches are being thrown back and forth. Liv looks astonished that anyone would fight in her honor. Kasitch comes by to check on Lex. Parker pulls out a knife and stabs Lex over Kasitch's shoulder. I'm sure there would have been a less awkward way to do that. Lex yells, "Yeaaaaagggghh!" and falls back. Kasitch whips out a gun and shoots Parker right in the chest. As if having his show cancelled way back in the day wasn't enough punishment. Parker drops like a sack of Dharma and Greg ratings. Liv screams. Lex turns. He doesn't even seem upset that he was stabbed. Liv is crying. The music has changed to "God is a D.J." Apparently so, since Parker is about to jump to the flip side of the album. Overhead shot, very strobey, pulling back, of Parker lying dead on the dance floor. Pan up to a set of club stairs where people are still dancing.
Pan/cut to the Dark Room of Lex Bondage. "Liar!" the captor yells at Lex. He insists that despite what was in the papers, that's not what really happened. Lex yells back for the guy to read the police reports. The captor says he doesn't know how Lex covered up the crime, but he knows Lex did it. We finally see the guy's face. "Don't you remember?" he says. "You killed me." It's Parker Lewis, and he's directly addressing the FOX Network now. Parker whips out a gun. "Daddy can't save you this time, Lex," he says. He aims the gun at Lex. We go straight to the opening credits just as we hear the gunshot.
"One Week Earlier" the handy title card tells us. The Crow's Nest. Smallville High. Clark, Chloe, and Pete (The Chloeteark Collective) are walking up the stairs. I swear, this show must have an entire segment of its production budget devoted to making banners for the school. Clark is complaining of hunger after a fifty-minute class. Hey, Clark. I know you're partial to Clark bars and all, but why not try a Snickers? Pete says he lost his appetite over a student profile paper he was assigned. Pete's complaining that, through the random drawing of profile subjects, he was assigned some dude named Stan, head of the student store, instead of one of the twelve lovely ladies in the class. Pete asks Chloe why she's smiling so much. Turns out her interview subject is Clark Kent. Clark is surprised. Pete, in the nicest way possible, says that it's going to be tough for Chloe to write six pages about boring old Clark. I suspect she'll be taking some creative license, especially on the part about her burning thigh sweats regarding Mr. Kent. Chloe says she plans to dig up a skeleton or two. Clark, who has been indirectly responsible for quite a few dead skeletons this season, reminds Chloe that this is a class assignment, not a political scandal. Chloe tells him not to worry. Clark smiles, too, when he reveals that he got Lana as his interview subject. Dear lord. He should do like Jack in The Shining and just write, "All meteors and no anti-gravity make Lana's parents flat indeed" over and over again for six pages. Clark says he's going to interview Lana while helping her at The Talon, which is opening up soon. So we've jumped ahead in time since the last episode. Chloe snarks about Clark doing some gettin'-to-know while Jocko Whitney slaves away at his dad's store. Chloe grabs Clark to make sure she's going to get to interview him. "I'll be around," he says, non-committally. Chloe asks Pete if she just got blown off. "One step forward, two steps back," he says. Damn you, Pete, for making me think of a Paula Abdul song.