Smallville
Zero

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Hero to Zero

Pan of the club. Everybody's so...dressed. This is like the dance clubs that they make for the parents at Epcot Center. Next, they'll be playing A-Ha. Floozies are dancing. Everything's Day-Glo. Lex asks Liv Lite how she likes the club. "It's loud!" she says. She's spectacularly overdressed, too. Meaning not that she's too formal -- she just has too many clothes on. Lex slips Kasitch a $100 bill, which we see in slow motion on a close-up of their hands. Just rub hands, already. This $100 apparently buys Lex and Liv Lite access to a not-very-interesting area upstairs that's in plain sight. Liv Lite thanks Lex for taking her out while her fiancé "Jude" is out of town. Lex thanks her, in return, for keeping him from going out on his lonesome. Lex is destined to be Richard Gere to someone's Julia Roberts in a game of Pretty Woman. Liv Lite giggles that Lex wouldn't have been alone very long. Not when there's a booming escort industry. Lex orders two apple martinis. Oh, how 1999. The girl picks up a matchbook. It says, in sans serif lettering, "Zero consequences." "That's quite a promise," Liv Lite says. But not in a flirty way. Goodness, she's like a grown-up Lana Lang gone to the city and still as boring. They click martini glasses in a toast to her engagement. Then Liv Lite looks past Lex, and we hear some giggling. Oh, that bastard! It's her fiancé, and he's on a couch with two slutty women. Hey, it's Parker Lewis! And when it comes to the ladies, it would seem that he can't lose! Liv Lite goes over and confronts him about his "out-of-town business trip." He tries to explain. She slips off her engagement ring in "Slow-Zoom-Hand-O-Vision." The ring is thrown. She takes off. "You son of a bitch," Parker Lewis says to Lex. Parker tells Lex that he did this on purpose. "You did it to yourself," Lex says. Well, at least he'll get to have two girls do it to him later that night. "[Liv Lite] deserves better," Lex tells him, and then saunters off.

Downstairs. Painted girl rejects from the aborted resurrection of Laugh-In are shaking their booties. Liv Lite is running off. Lex turns her around. Lex himself gets turned around and punched in the face by a pursuing Parker. Punches are being thrown back and forth. Liv looks astonished that anyone would fight in her honor. Kasitch comes by to check on Lex. Parker pulls out a knife and stabs Lex over Kasitch's shoulder. I'm sure there would have been a less awkward way to do that. Lex yells, "Yeaaaaagggghh!" and falls back. Kasitch whips out a gun and shoots Parker right in the chest. As if having his show cancelled way back in the day wasn't enough punishment. Parker drops like a sack of Dharma and Greg ratings. Liv screams. Lex turns. He doesn't even seem upset that he was stabbed. Liv is crying. The music has changed to "God is a D.J." Apparently so, since Parker is about to jump to the flip side of the album. Overhead shot, very strobey, pulling back, of Parker lying dead on the dance floor. Pan up to a set of club stairs where people are still dancing.

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Smallville

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