Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Hero to Zero

Lex and Clark walk into The Talon, where they find Lana looking all spooked. I think she may have dropped a line or something. "I hear we sprung a leak," Lex says. Dirty boy. Lana tells them she's weirded out by Lex's friend. She explains about Parker Lewis. When Lana tells Lex what the guy said his name was, the freaky music of discovery plays. Lex looks a little weirded out himself. Just to belabor the point, we zoom in on "Jude Royce" written on the Talon job application. "What is it, Lex?" Clark asks. "When did he leave?" Lex whispers to Lana. Lex walks out, application in hand, hoping to find out whatever happened to Parker Lewis.

Outside again. Lex looks around. No Parker to be found. "Lex! Who's Jude Royce?" Clark asks. Damn, Clark, why you trippin'? Lex says he has no idea who Lana met, but it wasn't Jude. Lex tells Clark not to worry his pretty little cornfed face about it. He gets into his car. Lex turns the ignition, but instead of the car blowing up, it just plays the gay club music very loud, but with someone yelling, "Killer! Killer! Killer! Murderer!" in the background. It's like a hit by the gay mafia. Lex can't turn the sound off. Clark yells at Lex. Lex lowers his window and says he doesn't know what's going on. Clark uses his x-ray vision to spot a portable CD player under the dash. Clark directs Lex to it and he takes it out from under. Lex rips it out. Purple Discman. Nice use of purple. A crowd has gathered. Things aren't looking good for Lex. Clark asks some questions, but Lex tells Clark to mind his own beeswax. He drives off.

Kent kitchen. Clark walks in. "Hey! Pull up a microphone, son!" It's the jocular wit of one Bo Duke, Superfather. He's at the kitchen table with Chloe and MamaKent. Clark asks what's up. Chloe says that since she couldn't find Clark all day, she decided to start with the 'rents. It's daytime, but there's not much light except for what's coming through the blinds, so it's still like an interrogation. MamaKent says that Chloe's been asking some "interesting" questions. Chloe thanks her and turns her tape recorder back on. She asks what was involved in Clark's adoption. Interplanetary travel? The destruction of a home planet? Mass chaos and fire from the sky? You know, the usual stuff. Bo plays it off, saying it was just a normal adoption. On Pluto. Chloe asks how long it took, whether they used a lawyer or an agent or...oops, she runs out of tape as Bo and MamaKent look like JonBenet's parents, caught in the deer-hitting headlights. Chloe runs out to her car to get more tapes. Clark just stands there. MamaKent confronts Clark about this, like the class assignment was his fault. Clark asks them if there's something he should know about his "adoption." He stops just short of using air quotes. Bo lies his ass off and says that things were more complicated than just making up a story. MamaKent says they don't want anyone in their bidness. Chloe tells Clark that now that he's spinning in her orbit, she's got some "pertinents" for him, too. Chloe uses almost as much slang as I do, y'all. Clark excuses himself to go write his own paper. Chloe asks if Clark is avoiding her. Everyone looks startled. "Tomorrow. I promise," Clark finally says. Chloe, with the light spilling right on her eyes, turns and asks the Kents if their son has always been this strange. Wonk, wonk, wonk. MamaKent pushes her head forward and purses her lips to suck the life out of Chloe's questions. Bo just looks like Bo.

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