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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Hero to Zero

Clark and Lana walking along at night. Clark asks her how it feels to single-handedly bring the Talon back from the brink of destruction. That's it, Mike Wallace. Ask the tough questions. Lana says it's great to have responsibility. Now if she could just add some acting skills to the equation...that would be making a positive change. Lana says she finally feels like she's shedding that princess fairy costume. You know, the one she was wearing when her parents were turned into sidewalk putty? Oh, wait, you didn't hear? You see, Lana's parents? They were killed. By a meteor. When she had on the costume. It's still very painful. We should probably move on. We don't want to upset Lana by bringing it up again to her. Lex pulls up in his sweet ride, and I swear the closed captioning reads that the song playing should say, "We were sisters, but that was too far. And tonight we'll be together." It's officially the gayest car stereo in the United States. Lana asks Lex what he's doing there. Lex says that a contractor called him and said he had an estimate ready. In the middle of the night? No one gives it a second thought. They all go inside The Talon.

Inside. There's crazy bluish-green light, and the contractor is on the floor, moaning. Contractor Man gets up and says he came in the back way; then somebody jumped him and forced his or her way inside. (The Talon.) Then he got hit on the head. "Did you see his face?" Clark asks. The guy wipes blood from his head. "No," he answers. On the counter is an ornately wrapped gift box. Lana says it wasn't there before. She goes to call the police. The gift has "Lex Luthor" on it, written in cursive. "Your name's on it," Clark tells Lex. "The gift?" Lex thinks. "No, on my heart," Clark shoots back, telepathically. Lex opens the card. It has the "Zero Consequences" logo on a very nicely made card. Go, Kinko's. Despite the love, Clark lets Lex open up the package even without using his x-ray vision to make sure it's not a bomb. Lex looks into the box and quickly looks away. Clark leans in. It's a human hand! Somewhere out there, David Lynch just had an orgasm. And the "K" ring lets us know that it's the hand of Kasitch. Aw, poor Kasitch. We hardly knew him. Lex doesn't look too happy about this.

Back at The Talon, the police have arrived. Clark sits next to Lana, because since she wasn't in the room at the time of the hand revelation, of course she needs comforting. Even if you added up all the vineyards in France, you still wouldn't find as much whine as you do within Lana. Lana makes a lame joke about "It" showing up. Clark says that he's never seen Lex so freaked out before. Cut to a shot of Lex nervously talking to a diminutive copper. Lana tells Clark that she was told everything Lex touches turns out badly. Clark momentarily checks his package to make sure everything is still intact. Lex comes over and apologizes to Clark and Lana for the whole severed-hand thing. He tells Lana it won't affect the grand opening. Lana complains that they'll be infamous before they open the doors. Yeah, and nobody's talking about the crazy, lethargic girl who lost her parents to a bad-tempered meteor, right? Lana walks off. Lex expels some annoyed air. There's a long silence between Clark and Lex. Clark asks if Lex knows the owner of the hand. Lex tells him it was Max Kasitch. Clark asks if Lex knows who might have done it. "Not at all," Lex lies, not looking at Clark. "What about your old friend, Jude Royce?" Clark asks. Lex tells Clark that Jude's been dead for three years.

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