Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
The Zone Diet

Kent barn. Stuff is falling all around MamaKent and Papa Luthor. Instead of running outside, they walk deeper in to the barn so that stuff can fall on them properly. Beams fall. More beams. One of the beams is about to crush them when a familiar set of hands stops it. Clark lifts the structure, saving them both. MamaKent beams. "Clark!" she cries. "Where is he?" Clark asks.

Lair of Lex. Things are falling apart there, too. All the insurance agents in Kansas just had heart attacks. Zod grabs Lana by the hair and lifts her up in one smooth motion. It's as awesome as it sounds. He pushes her against the wall and chokes her. Wayne Brady, no! He says she could have been at his side as Krypton was reborn: "Now you'll die with all the rest."

Something whooshes into the room. "Let her go!" Clark calls. Zod is surprised to hear that voice. He turns, dropping Lana in front of him. Lana didn't see Clark come in? "Kal-El," Zod announces. Clark sees the spinning disc on the laptop. He eyejaculates at it, breaking it and making the satellite stop shooting. Zod is like, "Oh no you did not fuck up my hard drive plan!" Dirty looks. "Noooo!" Zod calls as he superzips at Clark and rams him with his head. The two fly out through the big stained-glass window behind Lex's desk. They fly through the air with the gayest of ease, locked in a tight, dirty embrace. We'll be seeing this one again and again in the credits. Zod just stares at Clark, who is choking him. Oh, it feels so good, yet so wrong. Easily the Gayest Look of the Episode. The two spin further, like a spiraling homo football. And they're both going to make it to the endzone.

Clark and Zod land in the middle of some woods, burrowing into the brown ground, and landing in a pile of soil. They whoosh upright. Zod grabs Clark and throws him. Clark knocks over a tree. The Ents are pissed off. Zod superzips to Clark and grabs him by the jacket. "I don't know how you escaped The Zone," he says, "but you were safer where you were." He slams Clark on a big rock. It cracks into pieces. Punching. More punching. Clark is bloodied and falls in between the rock cracks as Zod keeps at it. The less said about Zod relentlessly fisting Clark in the crack the better. Zod pulls Clark up and asks whether he thought he could win: "You're an idealistic fool just like your father!" Zod throws Clark again. Clark spins horizontally and busts through some treetops to land in a big empty field. Clark slides along the ground. Turns. Zod zips over and lands gently on his feet after rising a few feet. "So easily beaten. Disappointing," Zod says snidely.

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