Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
The Zone Diet

Cut to space, where a U.S. Army satellite shoots the Earth with an expensive "lay-ser."

Daily Planet. Jimmy, huge smile on his face, is telling Chloe what was happening the moment all the computers went nutty. He jokes that it's his first day working there, and the world decided to end. Chloe, stumped for a snappy comment, says she can't believe Jimmy works there. They both hear a rumbling outside. A huge noise. They both cover their ears. "What is that?!" Jimmy yells. Dust. Falling debris. A TV falls from a mount. "Jimmmmy!" Chloe yells and grabs him. Of course, she lands right on top of him, horizontal. Yow. It's gonna be a good season. Bookshelves fall. Jimmy asks if there are earthquakes in Metropolis.

Phantom Zone. The bad guys are still mad at Clark and beating him up as they make their way to the portal to Earth. Nam-Ek busts out a dagger again. "Open the gateway!" he demands. Raya says that Clark doesn't know how. She didn't want to say anything before, but he's a little...well...not exactly all Kryptonian in the head, if you catch her drift. Raya says she knows how to open the portal. She asks for the dagger. She needs blood of the House of El. It's the key. She cuts Clark's hand with the blade. "I trusted you," Clark says. No, you actually really didn't much. Sagely, Nam-Ek says, "Trust is for the weak." Also? Mercy. And? Little tiny barbells. "You're right," Raya says; then she spins and slashes Nam-Ek right across the neck. Right across the Nam-Ek, in fact. How ya like me now, space BITCH!? Nam-Ek's buddy attacks Raya. Other sand-dwellers appear over the hill and join in. Ninja party! "The gateway! Go, Kal-El!" Raya yells to Clark. Clark runs. He finds a rock stump with the Superman symbol on it. Clark puts his hand on it and it lights up. Clark does his Blue Magnum face. One of the sand dudes stabs Raya in the side. It's a bad week to be a woman around swords on this show. Raya screams. Clark yells, "Raaayaaaa!" The sand dudes run toward Clark, but he's sucked through a portal of light. It looks like the portal took some Phantom Zone dudes with it, too. We go to commercials.

I never thought I'd say this, but shut up, Audrey Hepburn. You suck, Gap.

A, Kansas field. Something rumbles overhead. A light bursts in the sky, and seven tiny lights split off it. They scatter. One of them lands right in front of us, creating a huge crater in the ground. It's Clark, and he's already walking. Man, that's a durable jacket. His sliced blue shirt didn't fare as well. Clark superzips out of the scene.

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