Hell on Earth

Episode Report Card
admin: C | 2 USERS: C+
Hell-Bent Fer Ivy
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Karen is trying on sunglasses at home with Dev, asking him to pick which pair makes her look most like a famous movie star. The answer is none of them, Karen. Because you are a boring, dead-eyed cipher. She mumbles a bit to Dev about her audition and then trying to get back to her waitressing job.

Over at Ivy's Palace of Lounging in Bed With Hot Englishmen, Ivy reaches over a sleeping, unshaven, delicious Derek for her phone. She has an audition. It can't possibly be the same one that Karen's going to, can it?!

In the Brooklyn Brownstone of Betrayal, Julia's husband, Shrek, has prepared a healthy and tasty breakfast for his cheating wife and ungrateful son. Poor Shrek. Julia apologizes while shoving a strawberry in her mouth, and tells Shrek the adoption papers are by the bed.

At Tom's gorgeous classic six, Tom is moaning about how Ivy won't return his calls as Hot Lawyer John tightens his tie. Because that's what every handsome gay man wants to hear from his boyfriend: all about the woman who's ignoring him. Now you know how Peter Allen's twinks always felt, Lawyer John. The two try to plan their week, which is all court, court, auditioning houseboys, court, writing a song about Arthur Miller, rinse, repeat. John awkwardly admits that he's busy on Thursday because he's attending a political benefit. And this is where Tom finds out, à la Bridget Jones, that he's been shagging a Republican. He is predictably (and expectedly) horrified.

Shrek finds the adoption paperwork on Julia's bedside table, along with some sheet music, and from the way he's reading the lyrics, it's clear that Julia has basically written "La la la la, please do me on a couch in the rehearsal room, Michael Swift." I suppose with that kind of phrasing, Tom might find it difficult to write a melody, but it's a working draft.

Ivy and Ambiguously Gay Chorus Boy have met at a diner, and as he's cataloging all the aches and pains that come with dancing for a living, Ivy pulls a Judy Garland's worth of pill bottles out of her purse. Prednisone, Ambien, Klonopin, Thorazepam, "some new stuff." Ambiguously Gay Chorus Boy (whose name is Sam, just to make this a touch easier) swears he's not judging the fact that Ivy's a walking pharmacy, but when your friends wave their Klonopin in your face, maybe you warn them that when they're angling for the lead in a show about Marilyn effing Monroe, they should probably stay away from the barbiturates.

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