We open in Boston. The first preview of Bombshell is scheduled for tonight, and so that each program doesn't have a slip of paper in it reading "The role of Joe DiMaggio will be played by composer Tom Levitt," Michael Swift has rejoined the show. Julia is still pissed and weepy all the time about how Tom, Eileen, and Derek overruled her and brought Michael back, and she takes every single opportunity in the episode to whine and scream and rend her garments about it.
Michael Swift, for his part, is convinced that Julia wanted him back in the show and that she'd like nothing more than to pick up their steamy affair where they left it (they left it on the floor of the rehearsal studio). She does not, but that doesn't stop him from being pushy and kind of creepy and hey, why does Michael Swift look so puffy now?
So last week Dev and Ivy got drunk and slept together. Now Dev and Karen are back together, and he proposes to her a second time, except that somewhere in his whiskey-blurred Ivy-nailing haze, Dev lost the engagement ring. Now he and Ivy are giving each other shifty looks all the time and pretending they haven't met.
When Tom isn't dealing with Julia's eleventy-billionth tearful freak-out, he's letting Sam convince him to come to church with him and his family. Sam also talks basically the entire cast save Derek and Eileen into attending his house of worship, and they do a roof-rattling gospel number, which Karen manages to get her skinny cooties all over. It's disappointing.
Ivy, not suffering Dev's delusions of guilt, confronts Derek about why he's suddenly taken up with Rebecca, and he explains he's just doing it to help the show. Kind of. So we have two options with Derek: Either he's a faithless man slut, or he's a functioning sociopath. I'm leaning toward the latter.
Speaking of Rebecca, after the devastating first preview after which the audience only tepidly applauds (and that's only after someone, possibly Nick, starts it), someone puts peanuts in her kale smoothie, sending the allergic Rebecca to the hospital. She decides to leave the show, so next week we'll get the showdown between the once and future Marilyns.
Previously on Smash: Rebecca hit on Derek and it worked; Dev asked Karen to marry him; Replacement DiMaggio dropped out of the show, making Julia freak out because she finds Original DiMaggio's Louisville Slugger impossible to resist; Dev and Ivy met in a bar and decided to take out their mutual frustration with their significant others on each other's sex parts.
Dev wakes up in Ivy's hotel room, next to Ivy. Ivy's still asleep and they are wearing only a thin coating of shame.
At the theater, Girl Dancer Jessica seemingly doesn't believe Karen when she says Derek and Rebecca are banging (she heard it from Ivy). He calls out a good morning and Karen begins unspooling her Dev sob story. Jessica asks Karen to call Ivy, who hasn't showed up for rehearsal yet. "She was really drunk last night and she has no room to make mistakes after what happened in Heaven on Earth," Jessica expositions in the flattest tone possible.
Back in Ivy's room, a Blackberry rings on the floor and Dev picks it up. The screen is displaying "Karen cell." Ivy grabs it out of his hand before we get a truly awesome scene -- boo! -- because it's her Blackberry, not his. Jessica asks where Ivy is and Ivy says she'll be there soon. She hangs up and she and Dev agree not to tell anyone about the shameful intimate squelching.
Outside the theater, Dull Leo is giving his mother a pep talk. Boy Dancer Bobby greets Julia with his signature blend of self-satisfied smarm. I really do not care for Bobby. Shrek says he and Dull Leo will accompany Julia TO WORK if she finds it too intimidating to go by herself LIKE AN ADULT. And also because now the two of them have the keys to her chastity belt so she needs them both to attend her in the ladies' room. She says she's fine, but just then her co-adulterer alights from his town car. Julia stares at him impassively and Shrek manages to restrain his natural ogre impulse to smash Michael's pretty face. Michael heads into the theater and Dull Leo smirks, "Am I the only one who enjoyed that?" Oh, I so want him to go wandering in Riverside Park one night and end up with Olivia Benson making her Concerned Face over his mutilated body. Shrek asks again if Julia will be okay and she says she will as soon as she kills Tom. Because what this show needs is to lose its best gentleman singer and one of its most likeable characters.
Eileen is on the phone about some late costumes. She greets Julia, who then sits next to Tom and informs him she's not speaking with him. God, she is such a professional. Michael Swift is several rows down, wearing a hoodie and looking younger than Dull Leo, peering craftily over his shoulder at Julia as he ponders how to abscond with her undercrackers.