Smash
Previews

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Prelude to a Flop

Dev, already shifty-eyed over his deception, starts bugging out and says he left the ring in New York (of course he didn't go back to New York, and Karen would realize that he couldn't get there and back in the twelve hours that passed in between times she saw him without a jet pack, a time machine or, like, a thousand dollars in plane tickets). Karen says he needs to ask her again, because last night did not fit correctly into the fairy-tale version she's been scrapbooking since she was a wee Iowa sprog. Dev swallows the last of the guilt he's been choking on and asks Karen to marry him again. She says yes. They hug and kiss and over Karen's shoulder Dev makes his best Tortured Face of Torturedness.

Ivy arrives at the theater, where Derek and Linda are discussing something. He observes that she's early and Ivy replies that sometimes she's just early. Derek turns back to his work and Ivy asks if Derek was planning to say anything to her ever again. "Three days ago you told me you loved me, and that's the last time you spoke to me." Eeeeesh. Derek looks genuinely puzzled, in that self-obsessed dick way he has. He explains that Rebecca needs his attention, "and I'm giving it to her. Is there any other approach?" He says this is about the show, and that he and Ivy are both professionals. I can't tell if he's saying that he's basically prostituting himself to make the show run smoothly or if he's telling Ivy to get over it, that this is how he works. Ivy agrees, "Yeah, we are," and he replies, "That's why we do well together." Ah, so it's the former. I get it: Derek is a complete sociopath.

In her dressing room, Rebecca is telling her shrink on the phone that no one applauded and that she basically died onstage last night. Karen, of course, overhears, because she's just completed her correspondence certificate at the Ellis Boyd School of Convenient Eavesdropping. Karen says it wasn't Rebecca's fault that no one applauded, and Rebecca says, "I'm the star. It's all my fault." She overrides Karen's disagreement, and says that if it weren't true, Karen would be Marilyn. No, Ivy would be Marilyn. Rebecca observes, in wry Cristal Connors fashion, that there's always someone younger coming up behind you and that Marilyn knew that and it almost drove her crazy. Rebecca is sipping her kale smoothie all this time and something about the taste seems to be off, because she keeps grimacing and wiping her mouth. Smoothie of Death! Karen blathers about how it's just previews and then Rebecca begins choking. Karen screams for help, with the always useful "Call somebody, you guys!" If that last bit doesn't end up on The Soup I may cry.

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