Linda calls the rehearsal to order, and instead of the light cue Derek was expecting, everything goes black except for a spot on a microphone, and Rebecca toddles out, all done up in her Marilyn drag, and starts singing him "Happy Birthday." After a moment of frustration Derek actually looks mildly amused, which alarms me. Maybe he's hallucinating again. Randall wheels out a cake covered in sparklers, and everyone claps -- Ivy quite sardonically. It seems to be half That Bitch Better Step Off My Man and half Oh My God This Show Is Supposed to Go Up in 48 Hours, Holy Shit, Let's All Panic.

Everyone is standing around eating cake rather than rehearsing. Ivy is bitching to Sam about Rebecca, and then asks if he's planning on visiting his family while he's in town. Oh, right, he likes the Bruins. Sam says he wasn't planning to tell them he was here, but then his mom saw him in a publicity photo. I hate when that happens. Sam says Tom wants to meet his parents. Well, he's the one who wanted to date and not just hook up. Rebecca is feeding Derek cake, and Sam prods Ivy to go rip her weave out. There must be something in that cake for Derek not to be losing his shit over the delay in the day's rehearsal. Rebecca condescendingly thanks Ivy for standing in for her, then says she'll be doing her own standing in (...what?) from now on. Ivy has a pretty perfect WTF face on.

Eileen has ventured to the teenager-infested wilds of Brooklyn, where Julia's making a big show of putting her foot down. Eileen says Tom has agreed to asking Michael back to the show, and that he asked Eileen to help Julia work through her discomfort with the idea, even though there's no time. Julia says that the reason there's no time to find another DiMaggio is because Eileen pushed up the schedule, and Eileen has had enough. She points out that it was Julia's wandering-lady-parts mistake, and that she can't hold the show hostage. Shrek and Dull Leo arrive and ask what's going on. Eileen leaves Julia to tell them. Seriously, I cannot see how this is a problem. Just don't go near him. Ever! And if this is really a deal breaker, don't Julia and Tom have an agent, and presumably a contract, that would be responsible for outlining how much control they can have over casting? I hate when I give more rigorous thought to this damn show than the writers did.