Episode Report Card
Sara Brady: C | Grade It Now!
Technical Difficulties

Derek is hollering at the lighting director while Karen and Bobby watch from the wings. Randall and a costume assistant show up with two different sparkly dresses that they'd like to discuss, and having been involved in a situation like this on a vastly smaller scale (okay, it was high school, but we still yelled at each other like it mattered), I think this is the episode when Derek's head will actually lift clean off his shoulders and become embedded in the acoustical tile.

Julia is pacing in her kitchen, on the phone with Tom. Despite her improved marital state, she is wearing what is by far her worst schmatte of despair; it's enormous and plaid and buttoned crookedly and it looks like a bathrobe belted with something you'd use to saddle a particularly girthy horse. On her end she's insisting No Michael, on the other end Derek is maintaining that Michael will be there when she arrives. Tom is about to pull some sort of child of divorce stunt and go hide under a riser, poor thing.

Julia hangs up and Shrek asks what's going on. She tells him. They are in agreement: Michael must not get this job back because once he slept with Julia and even though as the writer she probably doesn't have any reason to be anywhere near the theater once the show is up and running, his presence in Bombshell is such an immense threat to the sanctity of the Shrek family that the entire musical must be sacrificed because Julia got a little round-heeled a couple times.

Derek asks Tom what Julia said. He lies and says Julia's coming around. Derek asks Tom to write some more intro music for one of the songs to facilitate Rebecca's costume change into one of the super-sparkly dresses from earlier. Tom resists, but Derek explains that Rebecca is basically one cross word away from flipping out like Liv Tyler in Empire Records after she did all that speed. I would like to see that, actually. The boys strike a deal: Tom will write a little more music so Rebecca can have her sparkly dress and Derek will put the song for Ivy and Karen in the show. And I would really enjoy watching this show with Andrew Lloyd Webber and watching him throw kumquats at the TV every time something flagrantly impossible happens. "Sarah Brightman was never so unprofessional, even when we were getting divorced!" I imagine Lord Lloyd Webber shouting.

Linda calls the rehearsal to order, and instead of the light cue Derek was expecting, everything goes black except for a spot on a microphone, and Rebecca toddles out, all done up in her Marilyn drag, and starts singing him "Happy Birthday." After a moment of frustration Derek actually looks mildly amused, which alarms me. Maybe he's hallucinating again. Randall wheels out a cake covered in sparklers, and everyone claps -- Ivy quite sardonically. It seems to be half That Bitch Better Step Off My Man and half Oh My God This Show Is Supposed to Go Up in 48 Hours, Holy Shit, Let's All Panic.

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