Derek is waiting outside the gym for Daisy, one of the dancers accusing him of sexual harassment. He wants to talk about her allegations and says, "You know I never touched you." She says no, he didn't -- but he hit on her through four callbacks and then dropped her from consideration for the role when she said she wouldn't sleep with him. Derek says she didn't get the role because she's not a good enough actress and asks, "Since when is it harassment to ask someone out on a date?" Daisy starts outlining the principles of how he's in a position of power, which he abuses. "Did you really think women say yes because they actually like you?" she asks, and it looks like Derek really did.
Ivy apologizes to Julia and says she thought she'd be venting to Tom, but Julia is happy to be useful. Ivy asks if Julia ever felt like giving up before she and Tom became successful, and Julia says she's basically incapable of interacting with other humans right now, much less working. Ivy's dismayed because she's auditioning for parts she wouldn't have considered two years earlier and says maybe she should quit. Julia says the business is brutal, but when she's feeling lowest, something always reminds her why she loves it. She offers Ivy the jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
AAAAAAH HARVEY FIERSTEIN OMG. He hails Tom outside Bond 45 and says he's been so worried because of the terrible reviews. Tom shrugs it off and Harvey says surely Derek isn't so much of a sleaze, and Eileen can't be some drug lord's moll and then says he's ordered everyone he knows to stop talking about Julia having a nervous breakdown. Tom says the split was amicable and Harvey's like, Oh sweetie! We'll find you a new partner right away!
Tom tries to correct him that he and Julia weren't the ones who broke up, but this whole conversation is taking place in such an elevated register of THEATAH that I can scarcely keep up. I keep expecting Kelli O'Hara to fall out of Harvey's ear. Tom insists that Julia's fine and they're still together and Harvey asks if he'll see them both tonight at the gala. Tom says not only will they be there, but they're giving a speech! Together! As a team! Oh, Tom. Time to get a red wig and call up Harvey's alter ego from 1993 to fit Sam for a rubber white-lady mask.
Eileen is talking to someone on the phone who's told her the count against Derek is now six dancers. She thanks her ever so politely for taking absolutely no pleasure in her misfortune, and despite all the Ellises and peanut-kale smoothies and stupid-ass Bollywood numbers this show subjected us to, I'm still just so delighted with how Anjelica Huston can deliver a line. She's a classic for a reason.
Derek pops in on the other line and protests that he didn't do anything. He's slumped over a bar. Eileen disinvites him from the gala and he's offended that Eileen still considers Mad Adulteress Julia a good representative for the show while sleazy Derek isn't. He has the balls to accuse her of being a sexist. Eileen tells him she's hanging up and Derek orders another drink. From Jimmy.
Derek asks Jimmy what he thinks: If you have something someone wants, does that mean you can't sleep with them? Well, it's a good rule of thumb when handing out defense contracts. Jimmy's all, my shift is over, bother someone else you drunken sad sack. Derek polishes off his whiskey and mutters, "All women like me." I still do. There's a woman just down the bar and he decides this is a good time to try his theory. He asks if she's a dancer and the woman's boyfriend shows up and tells him to back off, then knocks Derek on the floor for good measure.
The Eurythmics' "Would I Lie to You" kicks in and Ivy and Karen and all the girl dancers are dressed like Robert Palmer girls in little black dresses, hot-pink pumps and red lips with slicked-back ponytails. They start singing and molesting Derek. As far as hallucinated musical numbers go, this is like ten thousand times better than Bollywood. The choreography is muscular and acrobatic, with a good amount of Derek trying to escape from the predatory women while Ivy and Karen push him around. It's great. Still wondering if Jack Davenport is ever going to sing, though.
Tom's place. As he starts to tell her what he did, Julia emerges. She has, shockingly, showered, because she heard from Mary Testa who heard from Jackie Hoffman who heard from Cheyenne Jackson (oh please could Cheyenne Jackson show up preferably on roller skates preferably in hot pants oh please oh please) who heard from Harvey Fierstein that they're presenting at the gala. She can't believe Tom didn't tell her that and she totally would have agreed to go if she knew she'd be presenting! Tom looks like he's about to swallow his own tongue as he stammers that he's glad to know Julia is, in fact, able to be vertical.
Tom starts spinning an elaborate lie about how Miriam Abramson, the head of the American Theatre Wing, needed someone to talk about the awesomeness of the Theatre Wing and thought he and Julia were the perfect people to do it! Julia is so touched that the community is supporting them. Oh god. This is going to be a Kristen Wiig-destroying-that-giant-cookie-level disaster. Julia goes off to dry her hair while tasking Tom with revising the speech she already started.
Ana is playing Jimmy's music on her keyboard while Karen hovers over her shoulder and Jessica and Bobby lounge louchely. They exclaim about how Jimmy is the next Jonathan Larsen (shorter, though. So he'll probably be okay) and he and Kyle are writing the next Rent. Karen asks if she's crazy to stalk him and Bobby is all, get out of the way, I want him. She whines about how Jimmy called her uptight and Bobby points out that she totally is. Ana tells them to give her a break because she's so out of practice with getting hit on after three years with Dev. Karen insists she just wants to hear the rest of Jimmy's songs. Bobby suggests shagging them out of him and Ana makes up a quick little ditty about what a good girl Karen is. So no one but Ivy notices that she's an utter bitch? Just me and Ivy? Okay. This gives Karen an idea. It's about time she had one.
Ivy calls Sam, who tells her not to pull a Lisa McCann while he's on tour and she says maybe Lisa has the right idea; after all, she's happy. Sam asks what she'd even do with herself and that's when she notices Derek nearly passed out on her stoop. "Good evening," he slurs.
Gala. Julia walks up to Harvey and Miriam, who's played by the glorious Margo Martindale (aaaah! Don't accept any drinks from her! It's already in the jar!), and thanks her for inviting her to present. Miriam, of course, has no idea what Julia's talking about (and to present... what? This doesn't look like the kind of shindig that involves awards. It's just a bunch of glitzy people having dinner and gossiping), and as Julia rambles on, asking her when she'll be speaking so she can know in advance and manage her stage fright, Miriam and Harvey are exchanging amazing WTF looks.
Julia tries to remind her that she asked her and Tom to speak and Miriam says, perfectly, "No, I didn't. And I wouldn't." Tom pops up just then, a hair too late, and Julia practically runs off, mortified. Tom catches up with her and Julia's ready to flay all the flesh off his bones. He tries to make excuses for his lies about how happy his lies made her. An older woman interrupts them to say she just saw Heaven and Earth for the third