Previously on Smash: The boys did their Darryl Zanuck number, Derek asked Karen to understudy Marilyn when movie star Rebecca Duvall joined the show, Derek hallucinated that Karen was actually Marilyn, and then was confronted by Dev and they had a pushy-shovey match in the street. Lawyer John broke up with Tom, driving him into Sam's muscular arms, and Eileen got cozy with possibly criminal bartender Nick. This week: Why movie stars don't have a reputation as team players.
Karen comes to rehearsal with coffees, and the dancers snark about how she's dressed up. She confesses that she's excited, and smugs, "I'm Rebecca Duvall's understudy." Sam and Tom come in together, discussing their first experiences with Rebecca's movies--Sam's was when he was 10, which leads him to ask, "Isn't she a little old to be playing Marilyn?" Since Marilyn died when she was 36, so with 42-year-old Uma Thurman in the role, we're getting dangerously close to Kevin-Spacey-tries-to-play-Bobby-Darin territory. Tom announces that Rebecca is also 36...ish, "Ish being the operative word," Sam replies, which leads Tom to the most ill-advised line he's ever delivered, which I can only chalk up to nerves around his hot new potential gentleman friend, because he actually says "Girrrrrrl, oh no she di'in't," and does three snaps in a Z formation. Sam looks tempted to flee from the crazy man, while Julia has had enough of the flirting and makes a reservation for the two of them to have dinner together so they'll start an actual relationship and stop being, like, happy in front of her.
Rebecca, Eileen, and Derek get off the elevator together, discussing some place that has an "original in Cobble Hill--it's less sceney." Ah, so she's the reason brownstones in Brooklyn cost $7 million. Derek suggests diving right into rehearsal with "Let Me Be Your Star," which I've had stuck in my head since the damn Super Bowl. Derek is wearing his giant, swirly king of the vampires coat, which I hope means he's moved past his Karen hallucinations and will soon resurface as the cranky bastard we came to love all those episodes ago. Rebecca declines warming up, and launches into the first number. The dancers arrange themselves eagerly on the floor. Rebecca sings breathily, and Tom and Julia look like she's slaughtering a puppy in front of them. Derek seems to be passing a kidney stone. Ellis looks like someone has finally embalmed him. Ivy's vengeful spirit has inhabited Rebecca's throat, and she is terrible. Although Karen still seems impressed, because Karen is an idiot.