The Tonys

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | 2 USERS: A
Win and Go Home

Ivy, Karen and Jimmy walk out of their respective theaters singing "Under Pressure." Ana joins them, then Tom pipes up doing the Freddie falsetto parts, with Julia joining in. Eileen takes the last verse and then Derek joins in (Yay! Jack Davenport is finally singing and he's not half bad!) and Jimmy does the huge, soaring "Why" riff in a key that I think only dogs can hear. And Sam! Sam is there at the end! They all file into the Marquis Theatre, where the Tonys will be held, forming a circle on the stage and giving each other Meaningful Looks as they sing. Honestly, this is what I wanted from Smash all along. It's emotional and campy and expensive and yes, completely on the nose, and I love it unreservedly, unironically. I rewound and watched it twice.

It was a dream, of course. Julia wakes Tom and exposits that there are twelve hours till the show. Plenty of time for everyone to polish their Bowie impressions. Tom sits at the piano and he and Julia fret about their acceptance speech. (Which is presumptuous, but probably completely true to life.) Julia has acquired Playbills from their competition, and Tom flips through them: Last Good Year, which Tom says was written by Pasek and Paul (the real-life composers who did the songs for Hit List); Imitation of Life, which made Tom sob like a tiny child; Harvey Fierstein's The Gathering Storm, which Tom did not like. Julia points out that he wasn't exactly paying attention at that show, but Tom says it's because Patrick, whom he refers to as his future husband, was sitting behind him. Julia's all, he's not even gay! Tom respectfully disagrees.

They segue to Julia's divorce: for her case, she's supposed to write an account of her history with Michael "Joe DiMaggio" Swift to try and make Shrek less angry. Uh... how would that work, exactly? (Also, can't Shrek just go read one of the early DiMaggio-obsessed drafts of Bombshell?) I can't believe we're still talking about Julia's stupid marriage.

Ivy and Momadette try on gowns at Ivy's apartment while watching Momadette's Tony acceptance speech (it's Bernadette Peters's actual acceptance speech for Annie Get Your Gun in 1999 -- oh my god, you guys, look at SJP and Matthew Broderick!) Momadette points out how gracious she was, and Ivy reminds her that she forgot to thank her daughter. Ivy is convinced she won't win because her two nominations will split the vote (which has happened more often than not, and always to ladies). She can't fasten her dress, which Momadette observes cattily. "Now's not the time to get fat, my dear!" she cackles in a perfectly pinchy tone of voice.

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