Back at the rehearsal space, the boy dancers are all wearing towels (over their clothes, sadly), and Tom announces he's standing in for the actor playing Zanuck. The number is a cross between a very classic Broadway storytelling info dump and up-tempo Marc Shaiman (who wrote the number with Scott Wittman). My favorite lyric is "Tomatoes like her/are easy to find/We throw them out as soon as they start squawkin'." And Christian Borle is delightful, reminding us all that he's actually really good at this shiz. He puts a nice gloss of Tom wanting to get more into it than he can in his capacity as the composer standing in for the actual actor. After they finish, Derek takes Karen aside and starts catching flies with honey. Linda the stage manager gives Derek the side-eye as Tom and Sam gossip about what could've caused Derek's personality shift: "Maybe he found the Lord." "I've seen this kind of behavior before in stroke victims." Just then, Lawyer John shows up with coffees for himself and Tom, sees Tom with his head together with Sam, and slips away, unseen and dejected. Don't cry, Lawyer John! I think Ken Mehlman's still single!
Nick brings Eileen to what looks like The Knitting Factory to meet possible investor Randy Cobra. Who seems to be a cross between Iggy Pop and Tom Waits. Eileen's face is all, "Maybe if I were staging Sweeney Todd..."
At that one bar near the rehearsal space, The Dancers toast Karen for being marginally less terrified and awkward today. Girl Dancer needles Boy Dancer about losing the bet, which he insists he hasn't yet, as she hasn't survived the week. Sam spills the beans, and Karen, wounded, says, "You guys bet against me?" KAREN. JESUS. You have been on this show for two and a half months. It is time to stop believing that the theater professionals surrounding you are just there to prop you up and pat you on the head! They are there to prop Ivy up and pat her on the head!
And like she's been spoken into existence, Ivy appears over Karen's shoulder, all smiles. Sam is the only one happy to see her, and when they hug, he mutters, "Who are you and what have you done with my friend Ivy?" Ivy congratulates Karen and says she brought her a present. They are, of course, MORE SUNGLASSES. The sunglasses are becoming the Clifford the Big Red Ball of Smash. Ivy, having successfully lured Karen in like James Cameron's pet anglerfish, smiles and asks where the drinks are. Boy Dancer orders five appletinis, as if Broadway dancers would be caught dead ingesting high fructose corn syrup.