Ah. The grand tradition of the results show. There is a great temptation to turn in a weecap that consists of the sentence "So-and-so lost." But that would rob you of the pomp, the circumstance, and the special guest stars. And the video recaps of the previous night. So let's get this done!
The show starts with a peppy, uptempo number in which the dancers strike peculiar poses while wearing white outfits with gold lamé. The song is called "Acapella", but it has instruments. That bugs me. Most of them got little spotlight moments, which I approve of, although Jose's handspinning and Melinda's tap break don't really fit into the action. It was choreographed by Tessandra Chavez, and you're lucky I went to Google to find out how to spell her name.
Okay. Cat emphasizes how live they are, although I'm watching on Tivo and on the West Coast, so it's not as live as she thinks it is. Cat claims to get in trouble if she doesn't salute Nigel, which I think is a callback to the thing she said yesterday about how she was told to play up Nigel being the Executive Producer.
Nigel would like us to know that July 31 is some sort of "Everyone Must Dance" day, and Taboleon have created a dance for all of America to do. I will pass on that.
It's time to start cutting! A group of four dancers steps onto the stage. Alex did great yesterday and the judges said some things that I bet they're embarrassed about today. He's safe. Obviously. Don't be stupid. Robert did that African Jazz that was set to Cirque du Soleil music for some reason. He is also safe. Lauren provoked a lot of weird gibberish and a strained Kobe Bryant reference. Kent did really well and even made people stop staring at how awesome Anya is. Briefly. Kent doesn't want to look at Cat. He's safe. So is Lauren, and Kent is noisily excited for her.
Another group of four dancers comes out. Melinda's first, and she generated some exceedingly mild praise. Also a soccer reference. She's in the bottom three, and nobody's particularly surprised. Nigel blames the routine and the fact that he doesn't want to have sex with Melinda. Billy was awesome and is safe. He pretends to be worried, but it's not very convincing. Ashley crossed Nigel up by being in love, which was pretty funny. Alexie caused Mia to use the word "swag" and not in a "pirate treasure" way. Ashley's safe, and Alexie is in the bottom three. Mia thinks Alexie didn't work hard enough on her first dance.
The last three dancers line up. Jose and Comfort did that monstery thing where he caught her in midair. He is safe. Adéchiké got pushed around in a chair. Cristina attempted to distract the viewers from Mark in a Sonya routine. Adéchiké is safe, and Cristina is in the bottom three. So that means we'll be seeing solos from Melinda, Alexie, and Cristina. And there's something about Twyla Tharp and Justin Bieber?