So You Think You Can Dance
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Monty Ashley: F | Grade It Now!
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It's Make-Your-Mind-Up Time!

Cat says last night's performances were "astonishing." I don't know about that. I liked them, for the most part, but I wouldn't describe myself as astonished by them. The statue one was cool, but that Broadway number was exactly what you expect to see from Jess in a Tyce DiOrio routine.

The opening group number involves weird black outfits and a lot of canes. And I think I heard the sound effects from when Pac-Man dies. Each individual moment looks pretty cool, I guess, but there's not much actual dancing involved, in my opinion. Oh! But it turns out to have been choreographed by my beloved Sonya Tayeh, so now I love it. I'm fickle!

Megan "Mrs. Ron Swanson" Mullally is back for another night, which pleases me. I saw her in the musical version of Young Frankenstein and she was the best part. Well, after the awesome sets.

Nigel insists on telling us about National Dance Day, which will be on July 30, well after I will have become sick of the entire concept. Frankly, he lost me at "flash mobs for charity." In more exciting news, I'm going to get to recap a new Lady Gaga video later. I can't even imagine. To whet everyone's appetite, there's a picture of Lady Gaga grabbing Nigel's butt.

Enough fun; it's time to crush some dreams. The first three couples are: Melanie and Marko (that awesome statue routine), Missy and Wadi (the Pandora's Box thing, where Missy had to kind of sit still during the free-running portion), and Iveta and Nick (the Mary-pleasing quickstep). Melanie and Marko are declared safe right away, before the other couples even get introduced. Missy and Wadi are also safe. And then, jarringly quickly, so are Iveta and Nick. Everyone's safe! Hooray!

During the commercials, there's an ad for the Jim Carrey movie Mr. Popper's Penguins. I only bring this up because I saw a trailer for it in a theater last weekend, and here's what I've noticed: in the trailer, the penguin on the far left falls down at the end. In the commercial, it's the second one from the end. Do you realize how many meetings they had to have before someone made that change?

Cat reminds us that Mitchell is automatically at risk tonight. Then three more couples! Ashley and Chris did that hip-hop number to Cee-Lo, and my dislike of the song probably colored my response to the number. Jordan and Tadd looked cool as hell in that afro jazz. And the first couple in the bottom three is Jordan and Tadd, so I guess everyone doesn't share my fondness for big, silly-looking faux-hawks. Ashley and Chris are safe, but I already knew that I'm the only one in the world that doesn't like the Cee-Lo song. Caitlynn danced with Robert Roldan instead of Mitchell, and that's all I remember about it. Clarice and Jess allowed Tyce to get as Tyce-y as possible. Even in this clip, there's high-kicking to Liza Minnelli. They're in the bottom three couples, but Caitlynn is not. Cat has to do some aggressive stage management, sending the safe dancer one way and the at-risk dancers another. But she calls them all "sweetie," so it's okay.

Now it's time for Keri Hilson! I don't know who that is! She's here for a live performance that's heavy on the dry ice and backup dancers. During the chorus, she's not even pretending to be singing. Her skirt may be made out of pulltabs. Sorry, Ms. Hilson. I'm sure you're a very nice person, but this is lame and dumb. Both at once. On the other hand, it's three more minutes where the judges aren't talking, which is nice.

Last three couples. Ryan and Ricky got that contemporary dance that I don't really remember. They're safe, and get embraced by the other safe dancers. Miranda and Robert were actually pretty good at the jive, but Robert needs to reduce the Urkeling by about 80%. And his "Woo"s, already annoying, seem to encourage Mary to shriek back at him, and I don't think any of us want that. Finally, Sasha and Alexander dressed in rags and got Travis Wall. And the final couple in danger is Miranda and Robert, which I blame almost entirely on Robert's interview segments. Sasha and Alexander are safe, which I'm pleased about.

So! Mitchell will join the bottom six couples, who are: Jordan, Tadd, Clarice, Jess, Miranda, and Robert. They'll all be doing solos. But first! Cat reminds us of that awful Russian folk dance that Philip Chbeeb had to suffer through. Now that he's in America's Best Dance Crew, I'm sure he doesn't wake up screaming anymore. That was a "Gopak." But now we get another one, the way it's supposed to be done, by someone from the Bolshoi. It's a lot of mid-air spins and kicks while wearing loose, flouncy pantaloons. It's better, but it still contains more midair heel-clicks than I was prepared for. I hope we all feel properly globalized now.

Solo time! Mitchell goes first, to a damn John Mayer song. He's very good, it turns out! I think his dance is about feeling joy or something. Then Jordan, wearing hardly anything, waves her legs around. She's very flexible, you know. The fringe on her left breast is distracting. Tadd comes on to "Jump, Jive, and Wail" and puts together a whole bunch of fancy breaking moves in a row. Sonya, from the audience, loves him. Clarice, wearing hardly anything, waves her legs around. Her distracting piece of fluff is on her hip, which is the only thing that distinguishes her solo from Jordan's.

Nigel makes the baffling claim that there aren't enough superlatives in the English language for these kids. I mean, they're good dancers and all, but I don't think you need more than one or two superlatives each. The language has plenty to go around.

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So You Think You Can Dance

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