Cat then greets us for the last day in Miami, and the first dancer she introduces us to is Candace, a Miami native who is in a girl group called the Velvet Angels, where she is the sexy, badass one. Her routine feels a little bit contemporary, a little bit ballroom -- but I have to be honest, I'm not entirely focused because I'm a little worried her bust is going to... well, bust out of her top. Nigel is sent into full-on dirty old man mode, and he can't seem to help himself making cracks about her giving men heart attacks when she and her group perform at nursing homes. (Also: really? Okay.) Jason tells her she's a great performer who makes bad decisions, in that she doesn't need to dance as "sensually" as she does. Sonya tells her she's got the sexual fire anyway so she doesn't have to overdo it, because it overshadows her skill, and Nigel kind of says the same thing though he's distracted when she celebrates her being sent to choreography by bouncing her girls about. Sonya advises her to just tie those puppies down so they can see what she can do later. Honestly, I'm a straight woman, and I was distracted, so I can't fully knock Nigel this time. Candace promises Cat she's putting on her sports bra for the next round. Next up is a ballroom dancer with the best name ever: Rose Neptune. Unfortunately her dancing isn't as fabulous as her name, and she spends a lot of time trying to do tricks that are too slow and awkward -- it's one of those routines that makes me uncomfortable to watch after a while, and the judges obviously feel the same way and Nigel mercifully cuts the music. Jason is a total gentlemen, and tells her he loves how much she loves dance, and to keep it up, though he's voting no; Sonya and Nigel give her polite nos as well.
You know that things clearly got really, truly wretched when Cat's voiceover is that as the day went on, "Miami continued to suck." As we all know Cat for being the most supportive, nurturing host on television, hearing her say that packs quite a punch, as does the montage of godawful dancers. So what is going to save us? A C.S.I. Miami sketch, of course. Excuse me, C.SYTYCD.I. Miami. Nigel tells the next dancer to bring power, personality and performance, and though I had hoped that this would be when we saw someone great, instead we get what I imagine it would look like if Keenan Thompson did a mock audition as part of an SNL sketch. The judges are getting madder and madder at Miami as a city, and then... we see their C.SYTYCD.I. Miami logo again. Wait, that was... what? I don't understand what happened. Shitty dancing, that's what happened. Let's move on.