Hello! Thanks to Lauren S. for filling in last week while both Joe R. and I were too busy to recap the premiere. Now I feel bad for the show. I'm sorry, show! I'll make it up to you tonight, I promise. You know you're the only one for me. Well, you and Hell's Kitchen, I guess.
We kick things off in Los Angeles, which is full of talented dancers. That's not really news, is it? Los Angeles is where show business lives! Also, I believe, the porn industry. I'll have to check my facts on that. Anyway, we're at the Orpheum. People are in line and flipping around. Cat is making friends, which I assume she does wherever she goes.
So thousands of people storm into the theater and are magically transformed into the 50-100 people who passed the first round of auditions in front of producers and actually get to dance in front of the judges. We have Nigel Lythgoe, Adam Shankman, and Renowned Hip Hop Choreographer Hi Hat. She's worked with Kanye West and Lady Gaga, which means that she probably has some awesome stories about working with crazy people.
We kick things off with a cheerleader named Lauren Froderman. She tells us that her solo will be sexy, but kid-appropriate. I feel I should point out that she's wearing a sports bra, tiny shorts, and not much else. Her dance is twisty and leggy, but her broad smile is weird as hell. I kind of like the dance, but her habit of staring directly out at the audience with a huge grin is peculiar. I guess it's too cheerleadery? Anyway, Nigel liked an arabesque and also the fact that she's a sexy blonde. Hi Hat objects to the personality a little, but Adam liked her connection with the audience, and the fact that she took "Let's Get It On" and did it in her blonde-cheerleader way and it still worked. She is sent to Vegas, which pleases both her and her mother. Oh, and she's been dancing for fifteen years, which means she started at three.
Next, a dude dressed up like an idiot. His name is "Hella Hung" and I hate him. He gets some wacky kung fu movie film treatment and music that might actually be from Enter the Dragon. Here's all you need to know about him: he pulls Cat's hand into his crotch. Yeah. So he comes out and does some half-ass breaking. I've always said, you have to break with your entire ass. Or what's the point? We see way too much of his routine. Nigel makes the same joke he made last night about a terrible dancer using Adam Shankman's choreography. Finally, Hella Hung is sent home. More like Hella Annoying, am I right? (For those of you scoring at home, the answer is yes. I am right.)