We're in L.A. now, for part fifty of the season premiere. We watch a million minutes of show hopefuls doing wacky things for the cameras, and Cat yells "Gangsta!" right at the camera. Try to imagine Cat busting a cap in someone's ass. Can't do it, can you?
Joining Mary and Nigel in Los Angeles is Adam Shankman, and we are reminded of how awesome he is, by which he means he's done a bunch of movies that I haven't seen. I mean, I don't have anything against Adam Shankman. But telling me that he was involved with Bedtime Stories doesn't affect me one way or another. So far the guest judges are batting five hundred, ranging from mean and annoying (Tyce) to just annoying (Sonya) to nice and boring (Taboleon) to respectful and actually helpful (Lil' C). I'm thinking that Adam's going to fall on the positive side of that ledger.
Bianca Revels, 20, from Detroit was a tap dancer who just missed out on the Top 20 last year. Am I nuts or is there a lot more tapdancing going on this year than before? How many times do we have to be told that someone is going to bring tap back? Don't we have to want it back? Wouldn't tap be back if we wanted it to be? And let's face it: even if someone does bring tap "back," what's that going to mean? Six months of Gap ads with people tapdancing in jeans, and all your friends are going to go to parties where suddenly people are putting their tap lessons to use, and half of them are going to claim that have always been into tap, and then you will buy a Squirrel Nut Zippers record, and then after a while you'll remember that it's much easier just to hang out and drink and play Wii. Still, that Squirrel Nut Zippers record was pretty good. Personally, I'm hoping someone brings back the barrelhouse polka.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah: Bianca. She's crying about something now, and her mom is there to support. She says her mom always said, "Whatever you say, you speak into existence." Which sounds suspiciously like bullshit to me. I don't know. It's something to do with being positive. Bianca's dancing without music. What can I say about her tapdancing? For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing that they like. Which means the judges. Nigel calls it a "beautiful, contained" performance, and says she is a "consummate tapdancer." Mary calls her the best female tapdancer they've had on this show, and Adam says he's hoping for big things for her. She gets her ticket right through to Vegas. But my god, if there is a dance genre that cries out for proof a performer can do something else, it's tap, not hip-hop. But she gets a pass, justifiably, for having made it to Vegas before.