Then we check in with Thomas Martin, 25, of Dracut, Mass., and Amanda Clark, 28, of Manchester, N.H., who will be dancing bolero, which we're told is like rhumba but slower and with rise and fall. Thomas seems to think he's qualified because when he was younger he was a six-time baton-twirling champ. They are not good. My wife and I were this good after our first dance class in preparation for our wedding. The judges keep laughing at them. "So that was a bolero," begins Nigel, before calling it "ungainly." Mary says it was basic, novice, bronze-level dancing. Taboleon simply add their no's to Nigel's and Mary's.

This leads into a montage o'suck, including some dancer who crawls on all fours and pants like a dog. So it's up to Nina Estrina, 18, of Holland, Pa., and Igor Zabrodin, 23, of Featerville, Pa., to save things with a portion of their cha-cha routine. Annoyingly, the show has been going to practically every commercial break with a clip of her spinning like the Tasmanian devil, so we already know they're going to be impressive.

They get a big cheer. "You could put wet clothes on and spin-dry them!" says Nigel. He thinks they're fabulous and make a great couple. Nice style, good feet and arms. Mary calls it the longest pot-stir she's ever seen, and they impressively kept up the speed, and it turns her into a screechy maniac. Taboleon also liked it, and the two of them are sent through to choreography.

Apparently the weather has turned crappy (read: it's raining), and this may be why Kellen Stancil, 23, of NYC is using an umbrella in his routine. There has to be some reason, and the reason is certainly not "awesomeness." He's quite strong, though, move-wise and actual muscle-wise, from the looks of him. Mary asks him what the umbrella represents. He struggles to answer, says he wasn't expecting that question, and finally says that his aunt died recently, and this was for her. That doesn't really answer the question, unless his aunt was Mary Poppins. He finally explains that an umbrella covers you and protects you, which is what his aunt is not around to do anymore, so as usual, I am revealed to be a massive asshole. Tabitha says that might be why they enjoyed his performance so much, because it was so connected to something. All the judges love him. "You were just absolutely gorgeous to watch," says Mary, and Nigel gives him a ticket to go straight through to Vegas.