So You Think You Can Dance

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He gets on stage and hops around a lot, waving his arms around.

"It's very, sort of, Euro-pop sort of rave party," says Nigel. Chris is completely out of breath, another hallmark of the faker: clearly he doesn't spend a lot of time practicing. I mean, even the shitty pseudo-strippers can finish a routine without hyperventilating (sorry, Tony). The judges do that cautious thing where they're worried about calling bullshit on someone if there's the slightest chance they might be sincere. Mary asks what he was hoping to get here today, and Chris brightly says "Not much, really," adding that he's ready to go home. He peels off his audition number before Lil' C can even say anything, so Nigel calls him back to tell him he's being rude, and Chris says Nigel is the one who's being rude. You know, by being critical. It is pretty awful for a judge to be critical, I agree. Chris, having failed to make anyone's monocle pop off into their glasses of champagne, then pretends that his audition was all about proving to himself that he could do it.

Cat tells us that he really should have checked out their Guide to a Good Audition. Here, let me write a more succinct version: Don't suck!

Rule No. 1: Always start with your best move. (People fall on their asses.)

Rule No. 2: Come dressed to impress (Montage of scary/ugly/inappropriate costumes. Someone pins his number to his sleeve, which makes Nigel think of "dancing Nazis.")

Rule No. 3: Connect with the judges (General suckiness all around, with Mia Michaels telling someone that it was the worst piece of shit they'd ever seen)

Rule No. 4: Always follow directions (Nigel gives instructions to dancers that are largely ignored. The one guy who follows Nigel's direction -- "come on down!" -- INJURES himself by flinging himself off stage.)

Then it's the second half of a sister non-act: Caitlin Kinney, the sister of "ball of joy" Megan, who auditioned in Miami. She'd love to go to Vegas with her, as it's been years since they've danced together.

Well, she's blonde and cute, so she's halfway there. Bring it home for Nigel, Caitlin! Well, she's actually really good. Very graceful, lyrical classical dancing. So no worries there. Mary looks entranced watching her. She finishes with a handstand (unintentionally, since Nigel stopped the music at an awkward time). Nigel praises her ("The camera loves you. I wonder if America will," he says), and then Mary asks about the hip reconstruction surgery she had. Something about a socket that needed to be repaired, apparently. Mary says she's very lucky to be dancing after that: "This is your destiny, you know that?" she says. Caitlin looks like she's actually quite aware how lucky she is. Lil' C says she was captivating and a blessing, and she's naturally straight through to Vegas, one of seven dancers from Day 1, after the choreography is over and done.

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So You Think You Can Dance

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